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| Dr. Michael J. Bradley |
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It’s already been a bad summer for teenagers here in Philadelphia. First, one kid was lured to a vacant lot with the promise of sex from his new “girlfriend.” Instead, she and two friends beat that kid to death to get his money to buy drugs. The 14-year-old “girlfriend” told police that she was so surprised that killing someone could be “like, such a rush, you know?” Two weeks later and ten miles away, one very brave and lucky cop apprehended three teenagers as they were heading out on a mass murder spree. That lone cop confronted three boys who turned out to be carrying rifles, shotguns, handguns, and enough ammunition to take Baghdad. Why is all this happening? The newspapers have been filled with outraged adults yelling about the music and video games that are turning an epidemic number of today’s teens into tomorrow’s killers. Apparently agreeing, the District attorney prosecuting the Columbine-wannabes has confiscated the video games of these self-proclaimed “Warriors of Freedom.” In fact, both crimes are extreme versions of two popular video games. But truth be told, the teen violence epidemic has nothing to do with those video games. Because, in fact, there is no epidemic of teen violence. Teen violence has been steadily dropping over the past decade to a point where teenagers are now half as murderous as their parents were as teens. Yet these same teens obsessively play video games that are proven to promote aggression among certain kids. The key to this apparent contradiction turns out to be the key to saving all of our children, violent or not. That key is connection; and it’s something every parent needs to know about. The few kids who do get pulled toward the dark side by music and games are children who are not connected to adults who they respect, admire, and want to emulate. Conversely, kids who play those horrible games all day long yet never raise a finger in anger...those kids all report having adults around them who they respect and admire. Kids call these people “Adults who act like grownups.” In other words, teens need to be able to hang around the house and prattle endlessly and stupidly to an adult who’s willing to listen endlessly and patiently to whatever the teen has to say. Because forming that connection truly is the secret to growing good people. Sure the news stories out of Philadelphia this summer are terrifying. But in these stories is a message for all parents of teens that should encourage you to channel your fear into positive action. Reach out to the adolescent holed up in the basement who seems so hard to relate to, who seems to push you away at every opportunity. Be like the great salesperson that takes rejection a hundred times, yet keeps trying again and again. Your kid may mock you for it. Your kid may secretly love you for it. But either way, your kid will ultimately be safer because of it. I look forward to hearing your views and experiences this summer in my online parenting forum. Enter our Parenting Forum by clicking here |
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 Editor’s Note: To share your parenting issues, or to get Dr. Bradley's professional advice, please click here to visit Dr. Bradley’s Online Parenting Forum. |