chipp
10-25-2007, 09:06 AM
Our 13 year old daughter has been dealing with anxiety and ocd for a bit more than a year. Following a stay in the hospital she has tired medications, counseling, cbt and now neuro-therapy. We are simulataneously dealing with many of the teen behaviors described in these forums, failure to follow rules, changing friends to a "fringe group", going from honor roll to barely passing classes. She has dropped most activities and and is generally only happy when she is running with her new pack of friends, or on the computer communicating with them. We have read all the books and follow the "your teen is crazy" guidance, but it has no impact on her. I am sure many people feel this way, but our child seems to mind-boggling endurance for defying rules.
So, to get to a specific question, what does one do when a child just refuses direction regardless of consequences? A perfect example from last night (which is one of probably 100 such examples in the past year) - daughter has 5:30 pm dance class, the last activity she hasn't dropped due to indifference. She was told several times beginning at 2:30 (dispassionately) that she needed to do her homework or she couldn't go to dance. When 5:30 rolled around her homework wasn't done and she was told no dance. She went hysterical as expected, left the house without permission, but then inexplicably came back and locked herself in her room.
She refused to open the door and, while we understand it was inappropriate of us, we were banging away to the point of almost breaking it down. (She threatened to hurt herself and we were at one of those periodic mental breaking points).
She said we had to let her sleep at a friend's house because she "didn't feel safe". We have never physically harmed her - we suspect the "I don't feel safe approach" is a potential manipulation to get out of the house. She proceeded to call the police. Police talked to us, reassured us, but couldn't offer much assistance. She was insistent that she needed to sleep elsewhere.
She was given the choice to stay home or stay at her grandmothers, but she was not going to her friends house. She suggested she might need to go back to hospital. After a very long go-round we finally got her to go her grandmother's.
We deal with this constantly - it is causing real damage to our family - including her two younger sisters. (Although this was the first time she ever called the police)
We are at a loss for next steps - meds failed, therapy failed, she refuses to practice cbt, she is as defiant as day 1, despite unending loss of privileges. It seems she won't be satisfied until she has no rules to abide by.
We are wondering if it is time to consider things such as boarding school for troubled teens.
Apologies for the lengthy post, but looking for any suggestions from those that have dealt with similar issues. Thanks.
So, to get to a specific question, what does one do when a child just refuses direction regardless of consequences? A perfect example from last night (which is one of probably 100 such examples in the past year) - daughter has 5:30 pm dance class, the last activity she hasn't dropped due to indifference. She was told several times beginning at 2:30 (dispassionately) that she needed to do her homework or she couldn't go to dance. When 5:30 rolled around her homework wasn't done and she was told no dance. She went hysterical as expected, left the house without permission, but then inexplicably came back and locked herself in her room.
She refused to open the door and, while we understand it was inappropriate of us, we were banging away to the point of almost breaking it down. (She threatened to hurt herself and we were at one of those periodic mental breaking points).
She said we had to let her sleep at a friend's house because she "didn't feel safe". We have never physically harmed her - we suspect the "I don't feel safe approach" is a potential manipulation to get out of the house. She proceeded to call the police. Police talked to us, reassured us, but couldn't offer much assistance. She was insistent that she needed to sleep elsewhere.
She was given the choice to stay home or stay at her grandmothers, but she was not going to her friends house. She suggested she might need to go back to hospital. After a very long go-round we finally got her to go her grandmother's.
We deal with this constantly - it is causing real damage to our family - including her two younger sisters. (Although this was the first time she ever called the police)
We are at a loss for next steps - meds failed, therapy failed, she refuses to practice cbt, she is as defiant as day 1, despite unending loss of privileges. It seems she won't be satisfied until she has no rules to abide by.
We are wondering if it is time to consider things such as boarding school for troubled teens.
Apologies for the lengthy post, but looking for any suggestions from those that have dealt with similar issues. Thanks.