annieinmaine
10-27-2003, 08:14 AM
Hello Dr. Bradley-
I am a divorced mom of a 16-year-old boy, my only child. His father died 3 years after the divorce, when my son was 10. All things considered, I felt my son was doing remarkably well...until now. He has always been a good boy - good student, considerate, funny, happy and just plain nice. A couple of weekends ago he came home with liquor on his breath. I kept my calm (and this was BEFORE I read your book!). He denied he was drinking, but after informing him that he smelled quite stongly of alcohol, he did admit it. We talked briefly, and continued the conversation the next day. He would not tell me how he got it or who was involved. He told me he liked the way it felt and would do it again. I grounded him for 2 weeks trying to emphasize that what he did was illeagal and that by lying and covering up the whole thing was wrong. He was very upset, telling me that he'd do it again just to p*** me off. That's when I got your book.
My son has been caught several times lying to me. Each time I punished him, each time it did not work because he would lie again. I took a different tact (that damned "dispassionate" stuff!) after reading your book and at the end of this current incident with the drinking we had a talk. He still says he liked the way he felt when he drank. This absolutely horrifies me. His father died from alcoholism. My son knows the statistics, knows the risks, knows the effects. My son says if there ever is an opportunity that he knows I will not catch him, he'd do it again. I asked him about the legal ramifications - what if he gets caught by the police? He said that would never happend and even if it did, what would they do to him, he's only 16.
Regardig the lying, I asked him if he was aware how much it hurts a person to be lied to. He said he didn't care as long as he gets what he wants. He says he cares about me, however. I am at a loss with this boy. I asked if he was angry about anything. He says no. I asked him if he was angry at his father. He filled up with tears, but said no - Clue #1, I believe.
This is not my son. I feel like I am losing him big time. After a few phone calls the whole story came out from his friends as to what happened the day of the drinking. I talked to his closest friend's mom who was not phased by this. Her son told her everybody does it and it's not big deal. She accepts that, there were no consequences for her son's actions. and my son thinks she and husband are now God.
I am a wreck over this (not in front of him, though). My stomach's in knots, I cry a lot, and I want to hit my head against the wall as I try to figure out what on Earth have I done to have this drastic change take place in my child. My son is an A/B student and involved in sports after school. On the outside, he's the model kid. At home, he's moody, angry, and just not pleasant to be around...and neither am I. Any advice you or any others can offer would be greatfully appreciated.
I am a divorced mom of a 16-year-old boy, my only child. His father died 3 years after the divorce, when my son was 10. All things considered, I felt my son was doing remarkably well...until now. He has always been a good boy - good student, considerate, funny, happy and just plain nice. A couple of weekends ago he came home with liquor on his breath. I kept my calm (and this was BEFORE I read your book!). He denied he was drinking, but after informing him that he smelled quite stongly of alcohol, he did admit it. We talked briefly, and continued the conversation the next day. He would not tell me how he got it or who was involved. He told me he liked the way it felt and would do it again. I grounded him for 2 weeks trying to emphasize that what he did was illeagal and that by lying and covering up the whole thing was wrong. He was very upset, telling me that he'd do it again just to p*** me off. That's when I got your book.
My son has been caught several times lying to me. Each time I punished him, each time it did not work because he would lie again. I took a different tact (that damned "dispassionate" stuff!) after reading your book and at the end of this current incident with the drinking we had a talk. He still says he liked the way he felt when he drank. This absolutely horrifies me. His father died from alcoholism. My son knows the statistics, knows the risks, knows the effects. My son says if there ever is an opportunity that he knows I will not catch him, he'd do it again. I asked him about the legal ramifications - what if he gets caught by the police? He said that would never happend and even if it did, what would they do to him, he's only 16.
Regardig the lying, I asked him if he was aware how much it hurts a person to be lied to. He said he didn't care as long as he gets what he wants. He says he cares about me, however. I am at a loss with this boy. I asked if he was angry about anything. He says no. I asked him if he was angry at his father. He filled up with tears, but said no - Clue #1, I believe.
This is not my son. I feel like I am losing him big time. After a few phone calls the whole story came out from his friends as to what happened the day of the drinking. I talked to his closest friend's mom who was not phased by this. Her son told her everybody does it and it's not big deal. She accepts that, there were no consequences for her son's actions. and my son thinks she and husband are now God.
I am a wreck over this (not in front of him, though). My stomach's in knots, I cry a lot, and I want to hit my head against the wall as I try to figure out what on Earth have I done to have this drastic change take place in my child. My son is an A/B student and involved in sports after school. On the outside, he's the model kid. At home, he's moody, angry, and just not pleasant to be around...and neither am I. Any advice you or any others can offer would be greatfully appreciated.