Donna
02-10-2008, 05:47 PM
My wonderful 15 year old daughter has ALWAYS been the kind of child that the nursery rhyme that says, "when she's good, she's very, very good and when she's bad she's horrid" describes perfectly. When she was small I used the book, "How to Raise Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy-Kurcinka (wonderful book) and now I use "Yes, Your teen is crazy". She never does any thing in a little way, always big and over the top. We are far from perfect parents but she is loved, listened to and carried about. I try so hard to be the "dispassionate cop", to listen to what's underneath her intensity but here is the problem. When she wants something and it is usually to do with the opposite sex, going out to see her boyfriend even when all the roads are closed because of weather. She threatens to kill herself, has riped up a phone book and postures with me. I negotiate with her trying to hear and respect why it is important to her but I feel bullied. She can go from hugging her father and joking to this out of control kid that is beyond determined to get what she wants. She will manouver to get what she wants, looks me in the eye, tells me too bad ( and various other colourful words) and walks out the door. I honestly think as I write this post that her self esteen must be involved because she is afraid of losing this boy and thus the intensity or I am making excuses for her. It's not an abusive relationship and she is accomplished in a number of areas in her life, has friends and often within the realm of the teen years, makes good decisions. I honestly do not know what to do and inside I feel like running away when she starts on this road she just simply tries to bull doze me. I negotiate, negotiate and negotiate but she goes from 0 - 100 so fast it is hard to get her before her emotions run over. I have tried to say let's talk when we are not in the middle of a situation - but that doesn't cover every situation. She always threatens to find another place to live - and I have said fine - don't want you to do that, but fine. I feel she is trying to blackmail me into a corner and I feel I can't let that happen. I love her dearly, she can be a kind, wonderful person and I honestly look forward to seeing the kind of women she becomes. I just don't know if I will survive. These episodes are happening every couple of weeks - so they are increasing from bi-monthly and honestly they scare me. My apologies for writing so much - this is probably therapeutic in and of itself