cindy58
11-23-2003, 04:01 PM
A week before Halloween, my 13 year old son snuck out of the house at midnight to meet some friends to smash pumpkins, etc. He thought my husband and I were sleeping, but my husband had just opened our bedroom door to finish some laundry when he heard the back door close. After determining that it was my son rather than an intruder, he woke me up. I threw on a robe and shoes and drove up and down the street looking for him, but didn’t find him. I returned home and called his father, who was unhappy at being awakened. I told him that I wanted him to come and get his son and take him home. He didn’t respond to my request. Then, I sat in a chair in the dark living room and waited for my son to come in.
He did, about an hour later. He claimed that he “was looking at the stars”. I told him that he didn’t have to sneak out to do that. The next day, my husband got the “screen logs” from my son’s computer and I learned what he had been up to. From 10 - 12 p.m., he had been instant messaging with his buddies cooking up the exploit. Every detail down to their cover stories was discussed. My son said that he wouldn’t get caught because “he was too tricky”. In fact, son had been looking at the stars because everyone else had the sense not to show up.
Here’s the clinker: in spite of what I consider to be irrefutable proof, son says that he did nothing wrong. He says that his stepfather “planted evidence” to “set him up”. He is unwavering in his claims of innocence. My husband and I put locks on our bedroom door, our office door, and a tool/storage room in the basement because son had been getting into stuff. Within a couple of days, son had pried the basement door and cracked the door casing. Son says that stepfather “must have forgotten his key and kicked the door, and blamed it on me”. Son had also burned candles and paper in his bedroom, which is forbidden for obvious safety reasons. I have been confronted with proof over and over of serious lies told by son, in spite of wanting to believe that he told the truth, because if didn’t, I’ll have to do something about it. Son continues to state stepfather has set up every situation. His stepfather and I have been married for 3 ½ years after I was single for 7 years. There are no other children in the home. Son’s father visits at his own whim, and overnight visits are seldom. Recently he has paid somewhat more attention, though he told me that “he didn’t expect to get these calls every day” (calls from me reporting trouble, requesting his assistance). Truthfully, I avoid contact with his father as much as possible.
Son has been grounded, losing computer, video games, satellite TV, and is of course staying home, unless he is with his father.
I have initiated counseling, but so far he has been to one session, and we (mother and stepfather) have been to one session. No help yet.
Today when I went to the grocery store, he thought stepdad went too, but he was home. Our bedroom door was unlocked. Son entered and began going through our things. When stepdad asked him what he was doing, he said that he could come in if the door was unlocked and left the room and went to his room and shut the door.
He has also made allegations of mistreatment by his stepfather (not true). Son has mistreated family pets, from refusing to let the dog out when he comes home from school to moving the screaming cat like a wheelbarrow (hind legs up in the air) down the hall when he thinks he is alone or unobserved. A week ago in the car on a radio show about family law, he heard a snippet about why a parent may not support a child’s allegation of abuse. When I had to go out again today, he jumped in the car to go along, saying he didn’t want to “be blamed for anything else”. In the car, he told me that I believed his stepdad and not him because “you are emotionally and financially dependent” on stepdad! After stifling the urge to knock him one, I told him that I could certainly support myself, and I didn’t believe him because I see clearly what the truth is!
This situation has created incredible stress, and we are all unhappy. Any advice?
He did, about an hour later. He claimed that he “was looking at the stars”. I told him that he didn’t have to sneak out to do that. The next day, my husband got the “screen logs” from my son’s computer and I learned what he had been up to. From 10 - 12 p.m., he had been instant messaging with his buddies cooking up the exploit. Every detail down to their cover stories was discussed. My son said that he wouldn’t get caught because “he was too tricky”. In fact, son had been looking at the stars because everyone else had the sense not to show up.
Here’s the clinker: in spite of what I consider to be irrefutable proof, son says that he did nothing wrong. He says that his stepfather “planted evidence” to “set him up”. He is unwavering in his claims of innocence. My husband and I put locks on our bedroom door, our office door, and a tool/storage room in the basement because son had been getting into stuff. Within a couple of days, son had pried the basement door and cracked the door casing. Son says that stepfather “must have forgotten his key and kicked the door, and blamed it on me”. Son had also burned candles and paper in his bedroom, which is forbidden for obvious safety reasons. I have been confronted with proof over and over of serious lies told by son, in spite of wanting to believe that he told the truth, because if didn’t, I’ll have to do something about it. Son continues to state stepfather has set up every situation. His stepfather and I have been married for 3 ½ years after I was single for 7 years. There are no other children in the home. Son’s father visits at his own whim, and overnight visits are seldom. Recently he has paid somewhat more attention, though he told me that “he didn’t expect to get these calls every day” (calls from me reporting trouble, requesting his assistance). Truthfully, I avoid contact with his father as much as possible.
Son has been grounded, losing computer, video games, satellite TV, and is of course staying home, unless he is with his father.
I have initiated counseling, but so far he has been to one session, and we (mother and stepfather) have been to one session. No help yet.
Today when I went to the grocery store, he thought stepdad went too, but he was home. Our bedroom door was unlocked. Son entered and began going through our things. When stepdad asked him what he was doing, he said that he could come in if the door was unlocked and left the room and went to his room and shut the door.
He has also made allegations of mistreatment by his stepfather (not true). Son has mistreated family pets, from refusing to let the dog out when he comes home from school to moving the screaming cat like a wheelbarrow (hind legs up in the air) down the hall when he thinks he is alone or unobserved. A week ago in the car on a radio show about family law, he heard a snippet about why a parent may not support a child’s allegation of abuse. When I had to go out again today, he jumped in the car to go along, saying he didn’t want to “be blamed for anything else”. In the car, he told me that I believed his stepdad and not him because “you are emotionally and financially dependent” on stepdad! After stifling the urge to knock him one, I told him that I could certainly support myself, and I didn’t believe him because I see clearly what the truth is!
This situation has created incredible stress, and we are all unhappy. Any advice?