mom4gals
11-30-2003, 03:06 AM
I am SAHM to a 15,14,7, and 18 month old all girls. I have been willing to make this sacrifice for my children and especially since I have two little ones. I have been married 16 years to a wonderful man he is a great father, husband, and provider.
Our biggest problem right now is our fifteen-year-old daughter. We have made a lot of sacrifices this year for her we have allowed her to become a cheerleader even though our family budget is tight we have found a way to make payments on her uniform. We have also let our schedule revolve around her practices, and games when they are in town. We did this because we knew it was important to her and to allow her to have more freedom. Well since we did this her attitude has gone downhill. She is rude and disrespect to her family. She has no control over her temper. When she loses her temper she says mean and vicious things to her sisters and me. She flips me off, she has told me that she wishes I was dead, to get in accident she will not care, she calls me a hore, and other names that I will not even mention. I feel like I am talking to a brick wall when I tell her to do something she flat refuses if I tell her to get off the computer she won't till she is ready, if I tell her to go to her room she will not go, she does not do anything unless she wants to do it. She is mean and vicious to her fourteen year old sister. Her sister started at the high school this year, which puts them both at the same school. Well she is now telling me her sister is the town hore and that all the guys have their hands all over her. Which she tells all her friends. Which I know is not true. I know all her friends I am always checking on the both of them and I do not allow either one of them to date yet. She and her fourteen year old sister fight horribly she will make her mad and then they will start fighting. I try not to get involved unless it gets physical otherwise I would be playing referee all the time. I do get involved when they fight around my little ones. I either tell them to take it the other room or I will leave with my little ones.
Her grades are also slipping this year. I have told her that if the grades slip she will lose cheerleading period. She was able to pull up all her grades except her Spanish, which was her fault she did not complete the assignments in a timely manner. I know this because I have gone to the school and meet with the counselor and teachers. I got letters from her teachers and they told me she is socializing too much and not doing the work she is capable of. I bring this up to her and she tells me the teacher does not like her because she is a christian, and a cheerleader because he is jewish. Well I do not accept those excuses and hold her responsible for her schoolwork. I also check on my other daughter grades and she is pulling great grades nothing below a C, which is what I except of them.
Recently, I have been to a counselor/ therapist to see what we could do about the situation we live in a small community and the counselor really had a hard time believing she was acting this way after all we trying to do for her. So we are following the counselor suggestions to try to improve the situation.
1) Keep my cool and be calm when I talk to her. (Very difficult but I am getting better at it, it takes effort for both my husband and I.)
2) To assign extra chores as punishment. With every fit or rage she has give her more chores.
3) To turn off the tv if she will not go to her room even if others are watching it. Tell them when she goes to her room the tv can go back on.
4) To take away practice and games if need be. I have taken practice not games yet.
5) To reward my other girls good behavior.
I have done all of these things and we are still battling her. She tells me now because I have let my fourteen year old go to movies and friends that I am letting my hore go. I have even let her have friends over when she acts half decent and she will throws her fits in front of them. She gets extra chores and does not phase her she will still throw her fits while she does the chore. I have even told her if she could go one week without a fit I will give her my permission to go to the movies. Well she cannot do it she loses that temper. She loses that temper over the littlest thing like for instance she lost it tonight because I brought her sister and her a sandwich home to share and the man who made the sandwich did not put enough mustard on her side. She flipped me off and called her sister and I a hore for her taking the half with mustard on it even though that was her half with different toppings.
My husband and I are at our wits end and are tired of dealing with all of this. We feel like we are dealing with a never ending battle she does not hassle him as much she hassles me. He does not get the mouth or attitude I get he supports me and will back me up but he has to work too and cannot always be home. When he is home she will argue less with me and when she has argued with him he sends her to her room. They have had some tough fights but she knows better than to cross the line with him. I feel worn out after dealing with her rages and temper and feel like there is not enough of me to go around at times.
We would greatly appreciate any suggestions or tips you have for dealing with this situation. We are in the process of opening our own business and would like to spend less time and energy dealing with this problem. I would also like to thank you in advance for responding to my letter.
Thanks a bunch,
Mom4gals
Our biggest problem right now is our fifteen-year-old daughter. We have made a lot of sacrifices this year for her we have allowed her to become a cheerleader even though our family budget is tight we have found a way to make payments on her uniform. We have also let our schedule revolve around her practices, and games when they are in town. We did this because we knew it was important to her and to allow her to have more freedom. Well since we did this her attitude has gone downhill. She is rude and disrespect to her family. She has no control over her temper. When she loses her temper she says mean and vicious things to her sisters and me. She flips me off, she has told me that she wishes I was dead, to get in accident she will not care, she calls me a hore, and other names that I will not even mention. I feel like I am talking to a brick wall when I tell her to do something she flat refuses if I tell her to get off the computer she won't till she is ready, if I tell her to go to her room she will not go, she does not do anything unless she wants to do it. She is mean and vicious to her fourteen year old sister. Her sister started at the high school this year, which puts them both at the same school. Well she is now telling me her sister is the town hore and that all the guys have their hands all over her. Which she tells all her friends. Which I know is not true. I know all her friends I am always checking on the both of them and I do not allow either one of them to date yet. She and her fourteen year old sister fight horribly she will make her mad and then they will start fighting. I try not to get involved unless it gets physical otherwise I would be playing referee all the time. I do get involved when they fight around my little ones. I either tell them to take it the other room or I will leave with my little ones.
Her grades are also slipping this year. I have told her that if the grades slip she will lose cheerleading period. She was able to pull up all her grades except her Spanish, which was her fault she did not complete the assignments in a timely manner. I know this because I have gone to the school and meet with the counselor and teachers. I got letters from her teachers and they told me she is socializing too much and not doing the work she is capable of. I bring this up to her and she tells me the teacher does not like her because she is a christian, and a cheerleader because he is jewish. Well I do not accept those excuses and hold her responsible for her schoolwork. I also check on my other daughter grades and she is pulling great grades nothing below a C, which is what I except of them.
Recently, I have been to a counselor/ therapist to see what we could do about the situation we live in a small community and the counselor really had a hard time believing she was acting this way after all we trying to do for her. So we are following the counselor suggestions to try to improve the situation.
1) Keep my cool and be calm when I talk to her. (Very difficult but I am getting better at it, it takes effort for both my husband and I.)
2) To assign extra chores as punishment. With every fit or rage she has give her more chores.
3) To turn off the tv if she will not go to her room even if others are watching it. Tell them when she goes to her room the tv can go back on.
4) To take away practice and games if need be. I have taken practice not games yet.
5) To reward my other girls good behavior.
I have done all of these things and we are still battling her. She tells me now because I have let my fourteen year old go to movies and friends that I am letting my hore go. I have even let her have friends over when she acts half decent and she will throws her fits in front of them. She gets extra chores and does not phase her she will still throw her fits while she does the chore. I have even told her if she could go one week without a fit I will give her my permission to go to the movies. Well she cannot do it she loses that temper. She loses that temper over the littlest thing like for instance she lost it tonight because I brought her sister and her a sandwich home to share and the man who made the sandwich did not put enough mustard on her side. She flipped me off and called her sister and I a hore for her taking the half with mustard on it even though that was her half with different toppings.
My husband and I are at our wits end and are tired of dealing with all of this. We feel like we are dealing with a never ending battle she does not hassle him as much she hassles me. He does not get the mouth or attitude I get he supports me and will back me up but he has to work too and cannot always be home. When he is home she will argue less with me and when she has argued with him he sends her to her room. They have had some tough fights but she knows better than to cross the line with him. I feel worn out after dealing with her rages and temper and feel like there is not enough of me to go around at times.
We would greatly appreciate any suggestions or tips you have for dealing with this situation. We are in the process of opening our own business and would like to spend less time and energy dealing with this problem. I would also like to thank you in advance for responding to my letter.
Thanks a bunch,
Mom4gals