Single parent and curfews

[bpear]

I just found out that my son has been texting at 3 a.m. when he was supposed to have his cell turned off at 11 p.m. He does not start the texting, but his girlfriend does and sometimes he will text back.

I called the cell company about the bill showing texts incoming at 3-5 a.m.!!?? The phone is not showing incoming texts at that time and they say if he has the phone turned off then the calls will not register on his phone until the time he turned the phone on which would be around 7 a.m. - I was so confused about that but it is making complete sense now.

These are 16-year-old kids!! Do I call her parents? My son refuses to give me the phone. He is very good in all other aspects of his life, except grades, and I am afraid of making him so mad that he will just give up and start rebelling more so.. HELP!!

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
Ah...the joys of technology and teens. Another hundred issues for families to fight about. If it's any consolation, know that this all-night texting is the latest rage to seep a generation of already terribly sleep-deprived teens. So what to do?
Well, the first thing is easy. You talk about the all-night texting and see if you guys can agree on a solution. If not, just end with saying that you'd like his word that he will stop it, but that he should know that of he can’t then you will need to disconnect his phone for a bit until he can agree to use it more responsibly. By the way, don’t be too surprised if he almost seems glad that you're taking charge of this. A lot of girls demand that their boyfriends be available 24/7 like that, and it drives the boys crazy but they don't know how to say no.
My second concern is that your kid felt OK in refusing to give you the phone. That, the grades issue, this intense girlfriend, and the fact that you feel blackmailed by him possibly "rebelling more" suggest that you guys should get some help to work this stuff out before things take a dramatic turn for the worse. Tell him that you are sure that you make him crazy and that it’s time for the two of you to see a counselor. If he refuses, remind him about who pays for that cell phone and ask that he reconsider.
Let us know how this goes.

[kpmo]

Yes, you are so wise. Funny how it takes reading something for have it make sense.
I know that I am being too hard on him with the phone. I hate him talking on it so much. I absolutely hate it and the fact that it is a girl makes it even worse. My issue, I know.
Thing is, is my family says take the darn phone and take it now. I feel like that is what I am supposed to do and they are making me feel like a failure in not taking it. They say, "this would be all over if you just stood up to him and took the phone. Then he would not be talking all night with it." They say I am "aiding and abetting" his contact with this girl by letting him have the phone. The girl has a boyfriend and an interest in my son too. My son is hooked and will do anything to have contact with her. Hence his reaction to when I tried to take the phone. He is afraid that she will have trouble with her boyfriend and my son will not be there for her to come to.

We are in counseling. I was advised to take a tranquilizer/beer/walk if his talking makes me upset. I was told that he is not doing anything wrong in today's standards but he does need to follow some rules. We all agreed on times of usage for the cell and my son agreed to cut back on the texting/talking. I am still having a hard time even letting him talk with this girl. I want to know everything. How do I stop? Is it okay?

[Mike Bradley]

Ask to speak with the counselor about your possibly excessive worry and control issues with your kid. You might need to chat with your own helper about these things in order to do a good job with your kid.
Take care.