mmarz
04-15-2008, 02:28 PM
First, want to thank Dr. Mike for his book, "yes, your teen is crazy!"." After six months of parenting my nearly 16 yr old on my own, we have gone from frequent lethal rages to maybe once a month of escalating anger.
I bought the book because I was unhappy with my own reactiveness and it was very good to have so many of my practices validated. And so many of my aspirations encouraged.
I have 3 children from two marriages, 27, 24 and nearly 16. My last marriage was 18 years. My ex husband did everything Dr. Mike suggests that parents not do, rage, punish, even get physical with my oldest. Worst was he demanded that I support him in his irrational and destructive parenting. Dr. Mike, you also indicate the importance of parental support, but in good conscience, I could not support him as he systematically destroyed the self-esteem of one child after another and left us all trembling and walking on egg-shells. His rages against our youngest, his only bio child, were the worst ever, accusing her of hating him, of being a slut, other name calling and profanity. The worst thing she did with him was decline his offer of homework assistance or wear too much make-up to school.
Eventually, the ex was arrested for false imprisonment after a nasty rage at my daughter turned against me when I intervened. She refuses to see him unless he gets anger management training and he refuses to acknowledge that he has a problem. I cannot force her to see him in any context other than a court ordered one, but it is sad to see the estrangement, yet I can't blame her. She is old enough to chose not to be abused any longer, just as I have.
Dr. Mike, after reading your book, I realize how truely lucky I am with my daughter. Other professionals have seen her angry at me in their office and suggested OD (hah!) or seen her trouble focusing and put her on ADHD drugs (since off) but here is what I have always seen and now believe to be true - a kid who does well in school, has friends, does her chores without too much nagging, tells me she loves me daily, spends loads of time thinking about politics, ethics and religion and trying to act on her ethical values - and who also carries a lot of anger for the chaos she grew up in, is cautious and somewhat anxious around adults, and sometimes says and does things she regrets and doesn't understand.
Maybe I'm not the worst parent ever, because I certainly have a great kid. Thanks for shining the light on that reality.
M
I bought the book because I was unhappy with my own reactiveness and it was very good to have so many of my practices validated. And so many of my aspirations encouraged.
I have 3 children from two marriages, 27, 24 and nearly 16. My last marriage was 18 years. My ex husband did everything Dr. Mike suggests that parents not do, rage, punish, even get physical with my oldest. Worst was he demanded that I support him in his irrational and destructive parenting. Dr. Mike, you also indicate the importance of parental support, but in good conscience, I could not support him as he systematically destroyed the self-esteem of one child after another and left us all trembling and walking on egg-shells. His rages against our youngest, his only bio child, were the worst ever, accusing her of hating him, of being a slut, other name calling and profanity. The worst thing she did with him was decline his offer of homework assistance or wear too much make-up to school.
Eventually, the ex was arrested for false imprisonment after a nasty rage at my daughter turned against me when I intervened. She refuses to see him unless he gets anger management training and he refuses to acknowledge that he has a problem. I cannot force her to see him in any context other than a court ordered one, but it is sad to see the estrangement, yet I can't blame her. She is old enough to chose not to be abused any longer, just as I have.
Dr. Mike, after reading your book, I realize how truely lucky I am with my daughter. Other professionals have seen her angry at me in their office and suggested OD (hah!) or seen her trouble focusing and put her on ADHD drugs (since off) but here is what I have always seen and now believe to be true - a kid who does well in school, has friends, does her chores without too much nagging, tells me she loves me daily, spends loads of time thinking about politics, ethics and religion and trying to act on her ethical values - and who also carries a lot of anger for the chaos she grew up in, is cautious and somewhat anxious around adults, and sometimes says and does things she regrets and doesn't understand.
Maybe I'm not the worst parent ever, because I certainly have a great kid. Thanks for shining the light on that reality.
M