awolfe
01-11-2004, 10:17 PM
Dear Dr. Bradley,
It was wonderful to receive your response to my post in the late spring of last year - you asked for me to send an update, so here it is. It took me until September to figure out that the real problem is that our daughter must have stopped taking her medicines sometime very early in 2003. I finally thought of counting her pills when she never asked for refills, and her blood levels were dropping. The problem is that while she appears to get along with no major rages, manias or depressions, a typical aspect of unmedicated bipolars is that they don't have good self-evaluation abilities, and she doesn't realize how much lack of meds has changed her. Sure, no longer taking depakote means she has lost about 40 pounds, and so she is absolutely gorgeous. Maybe this is why she quit - finally got info that this med puts on weight - or maybe it is in an attempt to be "normal". I checked my journals from 9 years ago, just before she started on meds, and the complaints are exactly the same. Uncommunicative with me, doesn't want my help, wants to do her own thing, goes where she wants, doesn't want help with her problems, tells me to "go away", even that typical bipolar response of threatening to jump out of a moving car. Not a very serious threat last summer, but she threatened it anyway. When I get mad at her for being late, or if I ask too many questions, give too many opinions - she gets mad at me! She is making a desperate attempt to remind me not to take over her life again, I think.
So the problem is that unmedicated she doesn't see how she is acting, the rift in our relationship, and her poor ability to make decisions. She is a bright senior, and is apparently not applying to college (I don't even dare ask anymore, doesn't seem productive), doesn't care much about her work, and wants to spend as much time with her boyfriend as possible. He is actually quite nice, but I feel since she won't tell him, he has absolutely no idea what he is dealing with. He is thinking of marriage - I don't know what she is thinking. As long as she has a clean car, her hair looks good, and she can spend time with him - her world is fine - never mind the future. At least that is how it seems to me. She has a number of speeding tickets, and if our state could count, her license would be revoked.
I don't see how this can change unless she decides to take meds. We tried to talk her into Topomax for the weight loss positive side effect (from her perspective) and it helps with headaches as well. But her pdoc wouldn't do it without informing her of all the side effects, so now I don't think she'll ever try it. She won't even go to the pdoc anymore. She thinks all is well, and probably even thinks she is being nice to me and reasonable, and I am the one out of line. I don't know how to convince her to take meds, or get her to listen to me about important things at all. Not sure what the solution is - any ideas? I think I would prefer those nuclear bomb defusing you mentioned!
Anna
It was wonderful to receive your response to my post in the late spring of last year - you asked for me to send an update, so here it is. It took me until September to figure out that the real problem is that our daughter must have stopped taking her medicines sometime very early in 2003. I finally thought of counting her pills when she never asked for refills, and her blood levels were dropping. The problem is that while she appears to get along with no major rages, manias or depressions, a typical aspect of unmedicated bipolars is that they don't have good self-evaluation abilities, and she doesn't realize how much lack of meds has changed her. Sure, no longer taking depakote means she has lost about 40 pounds, and so she is absolutely gorgeous. Maybe this is why she quit - finally got info that this med puts on weight - or maybe it is in an attempt to be "normal". I checked my journals from 9 years ago, just before she started on meds, and the complaints are exactly the same. Uncommunicative with me, doesn't want my help, wants to do her own thing, goes where she wants, doesn't want help with her problems, tells me to "go away", even that typical bipolar response of threatening to jump out of a moving car. Not a very serious threat last summer, but she threatened it anyway. When I get mad at her for being late, or if I ask too many questions, give too many opinions - she gets mad at me! She is making a desperate attempt to remind me not to take over her life again, I think.
So the problem is that unmedicated she doesn't see how she is acting, the rift in our relationship, and her poor ability to make decisions. She is a bright senior, and is apparently not applying to college (I don't even dare ask anymore, doesn't seem productive), doesn't care much about her work, and wants to spend as much time with her boyfriend as possible. He is actually quite nice, but I feel since she won't tell him, he has absolutely no idea what he is dealing with. He is thinking of marriage - I don't know what she is thinking. As long as she has a clean car, her hair looks good, and she can spend time with him - her world is fine - never mind the future. At least that is how it seems to me. She has a number of speeding tickets, and if our state could count, her license would be revoked.
I don't see how this can change unless she decides to take meds. We tried to talk her into Topomax for the weight loss positive side effect (from her perspective) and it helps with headaches as well. But her pdoc wouldn't do it without informing her of all the side effects, so now I don't think she'll ever try it. She won't even go to the pdoc anymore. She thinks all is well, and probably even thinks she is being nice to me and reasonable, and I am the one out of line. I don't know how to convince her to take meds, or get her to listen to me about important things at all. Not sure what the solution is - any ideas? I think I would prefer those nuclear bomb defusing you mentioned!
Anna