Bobdad
09-30-2008, 08:57 AM
Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of hearing Dr. Bradley speak at one of our local high schools. In this time, my daughter has gone from being this antagonistic, smart-mouth loner to a student with pretty good grades, varsity tennis player and a kid with OK friends. The only thing here though is that she didn't change, I did. No one has ever done a better job of putting adolescent behavior into context than Dr. Bradley.
When he was describing the absolute wrong way for parents to confront their teens and that you can't teach through punishment, I saw myself in the mirror. I have ordered his books for both myself and my daughter and I started reading the day that they arrived. She asked me what happens if she gets 5 pages into "Your Parents are Crazy" and she decides that Dr. Bradley is an *****. Well, she had just brought home a set of lousy grades and I asked whether she wanted her mother and me to go ballistic or discuss the need to build better study skills by learning how to spend longer periods of time focused on her homework. I told her that because of my learning this new perspective regarding what is important in communicating with your teen, that she wasn't getting yelled at, rather we were giving her respect and guidance to bring her grades up. Then I asked, "does this guy sound like an *****?" "No."
We have had two weeks with no blow-ups on my part, and I find that my daughter is actually beginning to listen. It is very easy to loose your cool, get in their face and try to smash your point home. The patience and having to check my anger and frustration has been very hard but the results have been great in just a short period of time.
I owe Dr. Bradley a debt that I can never repay. Helping me learn that my daughter is just a normal teen who is now programmed to make me crazy has enabled me to ignore (kind of) the small stuff and focus on what really counts and see that she is not the devil, but a kind, sweet, bright kid of which I can be very proud.
When he was describing the absolute wrong way for parents to confront their teens and that you can't teach through punishment, I saw myself in the mirror. I have ordered his books for both myself and my daughter and I started reading the day that they arrived. She asked me what happens if she gets 5 pages into "Your Parents are Crazy" and she decides that Dr. Bradley is an *****. Well, she had just brought home a set of lousy grades and I asked whether she wanted her mother and me to go ballistic or discuss the need to build better study skills by learning how to spend longer periods of time focused on her homework. I told her that because of my learning this new perspective regarding what is important in communicating with your teen, that she wasn't getting yelled at, rather we were giving her respect and guidance to bring her grades up. Then I asked, "does this guy sound like an *****?" "No."
We have had two weeks with no blow-ups on my part, and I find that my daughter is actually beginning to listen. It is very easy to loose your cool, get in their face and try to smash your point home. The patience and having to check my anger and frustration has been very hard but the results have been great in just a short period of time.
I owe Dr. Bradley a debt that I can never repay. Helping me learn that my daughter is just a normal teen who is now programmed to make me crazy has enabled me to ignore (kind of) the small stuff and focus on what really counts and see that she is not the devil, but a kind, sweet, bright kid of which I can be very proud.