Mike
01-21-2004, 02:19 PM
Dear Dr. Bradley,
My last communication with you was on 8/28/03. During the past year my son has become calmer and I am learning more about the roots of his issues. He feels enormous pressure from his peers to the point that his is unable to concentrate on hygiene, his studies or even have a good night’s sleep. I think that at times he creates more pressure for himself because he does not have the strength or the maturity to do better. He is constantly thinking about what others have said to him and what they do (because he does not want to get left behind.) He is unable to separate himself from what others say about him or to him. He wants a lot of attention from them. He would like to pick up hobbies such as photography but won’t because they don’t think that it is “cool”. At times, he is very depressed. One of his friends wants to break up the friendship and he is very angry about it. To make matters worse, he wants to go for his driving test and then drive to school.
I am concerned about two things: (1) how he feels – he is under a lot of pressure; (2) his inability to concentrate while driving – I am not concerned about an accident that would damage vehicles but one that could hurt people.
I have been thinking about how this pressure could be relieved so that he could begin to live a more normal life. For example, I have been thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of taking him out of school and sending him to a community college.
His driving skills are not bad. I have spent time with him driving. I am considering allowing him to take his test (so that he can show his friends that he has a license) but not to allow him to drive on his own for a while. That way we would have more time to practice observation and safety skills. Furthermore, he does not have a 3.0 GPA yet, and I have told him that we cannot afford to pay extra for insurance.
My wife wants me to tell you that she disagrees with my methods. For example, she believes that children should earn everything. Although I agree with that, a part of me tells me that when a child is so troubled and unable to help himself, we should pay more attention to helping him get of rut than to expect him to behave in a more responsible manner. I find it hard to visualize that a person with low self esteem and sense of self can behave in a responsible manner. I think that they are candidates for going down hill such as drug use. I think that first these children need to get good at doing “things” – sports, hobbies, academics, etc, in order to improve their sense of self and then use that energy to become more responsible. My son wants to do better but the pressure is high and non-stop.
As always, your thoughts and comments would be much appreciated.
Mike.
My last communication with you was on 8/28/03. During the past year my son has become calmer and I am learning more about the roots of his issues. He feels enormous pressure from his peers to the point that his is unable to concentrate on hygiene, his studies or even have a good night’s sleep. I think that at times he creates more pressure for himself because he does not have the strength or the maturity to do better. He is constantly thinking about what others have said to him and what they do (because he does not want to get left behind.) He is unable to separate himself from what others say about him or to him. He wants a lot of attention from them. He would like to pick up hobbies such as photography but won’t because they don’t think that it is “cool”. At times, he is very depressed. One of his friends wants to break up the friendship and he is very angry about it. To make matters worse, he wants to go for his driving test and then drive to school.
I am concerned about two things: (1) how he feels – he is under a lot of pressure; (2) his inability to concentrate while driving – I am not concerned about an accident that would damage vehicles but one that could hurt people.
I have been thinking about how this pressure could be relieved so that he could begin to live a more normal life. For example, I have been thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of taking him out of school and sending him to a community college.
His driving skills are not bad. I have spent time with him driving. I am considering allowing him to take his test (so that he can show his friends that he has a license) but not to allow him to drive on his own for a while. That way we would have more time to practice observation and safety skills. Furthermore, he does not have a 3.0 GPA yet, and I have told him that we cannot afford to pay extra for insurance.
My wife wants me to tell you that she disagrees with my methods. For example, she believes that children should earn everything. Although I agree with that, a part of me tells me that when a child is so troubled and unable to help himself, we should pay more attention to helping him get of rut than to expect him to behave in a more responsible manner. I find it hard to visualize that a person with low self esteem and sense of self can behave in a responsible manner. I think that they are candidates for going down hill such as drug use. I think that first these children need to get good at doing “things” – sports, hobbies, academics, etc, in order to improve their sense of self and then use that energy to become more responsible. My son wants to do better but the pressure is high and non-stop.
As always, your thoughts and comments would be much appreciated.
Mike.