Zero Tolerance Rules At School

[Chris101]

How do you feel about Zero Tolerance rules at school? My daughter is being expelled for bringing 2 ozs of alcohol in a water bottle filled with sprite that was shared between 5 kids. She is in middle school and has a very good academic background and has never been in trouble before.

The district policy is to expel, the only offer has been for her to transfer to another school. Her expulsion hearing is coming up very soon. Its very harsh and were having a very hard time dealing with this.

She has been home already 10 days, been isolated and disconnected from her peers, my parental rights have been taken away. Does anyone or the good Dr. have a statement or advice in regards to this policy. Thank you.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Chris,
These school policies are, in a word, insane. They run completely contrary to the entire point of adult-child relationships, which is to TEACH children to be better, not to throw them away because they make mistakes. Every month we obtain new research that shows how unstable teen brains are. To hold kids accountable to standards that even adults are not held to is not only absurd, but counterproductive. By responding so harshly to children in this manner we actually justify their future "crazy" impulses to act out as retaliation against arbitrary and hypocritical authority. And then we adults have the nerve to demand their respect? This is lunacy.

Please show this letter to your daughter. I am so sorry that she got caught in this mess. Yes, she was very wrong to have done what she did. And we adults will be ten times more wrong to respond as we're about to in her life. I would very much like to ask the "authorities" who formulated this policy if they themselves ever did anything like this. And if so, what helped them to become better? In my book I admit to having done much worse. Yet I am who I am now not because of adults who raged and punished, but because of grown-ups who had a different "zero-tolerance" policy. They were folks who sadly shook their heads at my insanity, and patiently and calmly helped me to do better. Their "tolerance" earned my respect, which made me want to be like them. The ragers and punishers only made me want to be more crazy.

Tell your daughter that on behalf of us adults, I apologize. I hope that she can come to be more grown-up than the "adults" who are doing this to her, and move past the rage she must feel at this hypocracy. Please tell her to feel free to quote this letter at whatever hearing she may have. My thoughts are with your family.

[Chris101]

Thank you very much for the letter Doc. We had our panel hearing at the school and it was something of interest! Just want you to know it's very much appreciated. Thank you again. We should know soon what the outcome will be.