15 SD...bad grades...consequences??

[cbsurfmom]

I am so upset that my SD getting all D's and F's except for a B in english. What kind of consequence should there be. Her 'natural' consequence is getting bad grades, possibly having to repeat some of those classes. She told me today that she just can't do the work, she needs a tutor etc. I say, go to the math lab after school, attend all your classes, and do your homework on time....She thinks the easy way out is having a tutor. I want to take her phone away until her grades improve but I don't think my husband will go with that. She somehow she always talks herself out of how severe certain things are and he believes her. We knew that she was getting an F in Math over a month ago and have been on her for a month to turn in her work...she kept repeating that she's getting it done. Even when I showed my husband the proof that her teacher is saying it's not all handed in if she says that she's working on it it's good enough and he lets her be....ugh, I'm frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!

[cbsurfmom]

K...so we talk w/SD last night and she's trying to get her grades up...will go to class, go to Math lab on Tues and Th...but there were no consequences for the bad grades. I guess the bad grades in themselves are the consequences. Anyways, she's extremely disorganized and I don't see that changing anytime soon so this will continue to be a problem. I don't know what else to do, we can't do the work for her....maybe she does have a form of ADD and it has never reared it's head like this before?!

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
The key to your question rests upon what is in your daughter's heart. If she seems to truly be upset with her poor grades, then the only thing you will accomplish by "piling on" punishments is to make her less mad at herself and more angry with you. That is not likely to help her study and organize better.
For now, keep on your path of chatting calmly with her and offering any help you can. The idea is for her to learn how to discipline herself.
If she continues to struggle, see a shrink for an evaluation. ADD can often be so subtle in teens that it only surfaces when a kid hits "the wall"- the level of academic challenge that demands intense focus for perhaps the first time in a kid's life.
Good luck and please keep us posted.