admin
03-23-2004, 07:34 PM
POSTED BY ADMINISTRATOR FOR A PARENT:
I know you absolutely do not recommend a divorce while your kids are teens except in certain circumstances to include abuse. Please take my question seriously. Does the following fit in your realm of included emotionally abusive circumstances? I need a very honest opinion:
My husband, D***, is the father of our 2 boys ages 16 and 12, and a very distant Dad. I willingly do everything (I am a single Mom with a phantom father) that has anything to do with the boys because I want the best for them. He seldom participates. This has been going on with my oldest since he was 4 years of age when D*** was upset and vented to me that he hated
B*****.
My husbands version of participating with the boys is coming to a couple games and watching them from a far distance in his car (football & baseball). He calls me on the cell phone to get the score. I believe he only comes because we have had arguments about him attending their games. The ONLY time he normally speaks to the boys is to tell them they are doing something wrong OR to tell them to do something. He speaks using a harsh
tone with them. The only time that he seldom speaks to them nicely is when he may say something like, "good game". And that is it! We have had disagreements on this issue. My youngest, M***, has told me to stop inviting dad to his baseball games because all he does is criticize or make fun of him afterwards.
B***** will go to a friends house after school if his Dad is home. I call him when I get home at 5pm and he comes on over. My
neighbor knows the situation and is very kind about B***** coming over. I can't have the boys friends over very often because it upsets D***. Our compromise is one evening on the weekend either Fri or Sat. The boys don't like inviting anyone if they have to deal with their dad.
D***s' latest scenerio is over a letterman's jacket. B*****, received a varsity letter for football this year as a sophomore, has maintained a B average and was voted as one of 3 captains in the off season. He was hoping for both a letterman's jacket and to go to driver's ed. D*** said he would like to buy him a jacket (as in paying for the whole thing, an approximate expense of $300 to $400 - D*** has the money.) as long as Bob kept a B average and finished driver's ed. I split the cost of driver's ed with D***.
B***** has maintained a B average all year and still has one (I checked with his teacher's) and he finished driver's ed this past Saturday. When I asked D*** about getting the jacket on order, he said NO because B***** does not deserve it quoting respect and responsibility issues, ie, not doing the dishes in a timely manner, not keeping his room clean on a regular basis and on occasion, speaking with an inappropriate tone to me or his brother.
Knowing D***'s history, I was not suprised. I kindly voiced my opinion on this. D*** told me he didn't think it it was that big of a deal. Along with D***'s attitude with the boys, we deal with these type of issues all the time. I know D*** needs help but he is not willing to go to counseling nor will he read your book or any other book for that matter.
M*** told me he hates his dad because he is mean and wondered why I didn't divorce him?? I told him that even though Dad has issues that we do not always understand, he is still family and we still love him. Mike looked at me like I was crazy. The truth is, I have wanted to divorce D*** since Bob was 5 years old but kept up the appearances for the boys sake. Am I truly doing them any favors???
I know you absolutely do not recommend a divorce while your kids are teens except in certain circumstances to include abuse. Please take my question seriously. Does the following fit in your realm of included emotionally abusive circumstances? I need a very honest opinion:
My husband, D***, is the father of our 2 boys ages 16 and 12, and a very distant Dad. I willingly do everything (I am a single Mom with a phantom father) that has anything to do with the boys because I want the best for them. He seldom participates. This has been going on with my oldest since he was 4 years of age when D*** was upset and vented to me that he hated
B*****.
My husbands version of participating with the boys is coming to a couple games and watching them from a far distance in his car (football & baseball). He calls me on the cell phone to get the score. I believe he only comes because we have had arguments about him attending their games. The ONLY time he normally speaks to the boys is to tell them they are doing something wrong OR to tell them to do something. He speaks using a harsh
tone with them. The only time that he seldom speaks to them nicely is when he may say something like, "good game". And that is it! We have had disagreements on this issue. My youngest, M***, has told me to stop inviting dad to his baseball games because all he does is criticize or make fun of him afterwards.
B***** will go to a friends house after school if his Dad is home. I call him when I get home at 5pm and he comes on over. My
neighbor knows the situation and is very kind about B***** coming over. I can't have the boys friends over very often because it upsets D***. Our compromise is one evening on the weekend either Fri or Sat. The boys don't like inviting anyone if they have to deal with their dad.
D***s' latest scenerio is over a letterman's jacket. B*****, received a varsity letter for football this year as a sophomore, has maintained a B average and was voted as one of 3 captains in the off season. He was hoping for both a letterman's jacket and to go to driver's ed. D*** said he would like to buy him a jacket (as in paying for the whole thing, an approximate expense of $300 to $400 - D*** has the money.) as long as Bob kept a B average and finished driver's ed. I split the cost of driver's ed with D***.
B***** has maintained a B average all year and still has one (I checked with his teacher's) and he finished driver's ed this past Saturday. When I asked D*** about getting the jacket on order, he said NO because B***** does not deserve it quoting respect and responsibility issues, ie, not doing the dishes in a timely manner, not keeping his room clean on a regular basis and on occasion, speaking with an inappropriate tone to me or his brother.
Knowing D***'s history, I was not suprised. I kindly voiced my opinion on this. D*** told me he didn't think it it was that big of a deal. Along with D***'s attitude with the boys, we deal with these type of issues all the time. I know D*** needs help but he is not willing to go to counseling nor will he read your book or any other book for that matter.
M*** told me he hates his dad because he is mean and wondered why I didn't divorce him?? I told him that even though Dad has issues that we do not always understand, he is still family and we still love him. Mike looked at me like I was crazy. The truth is, I have wanted to divorce D*** since Bob was 5 years old but kept up the appearances for the boys sake. Am I truly doing them any favors???