Getting knocked between the eyes

[Evelynne]

Dear Dr. Bradley,

Our 14 year old son recently came clean that he has tried pot three times. It came out of a conversation about a few other kids who have experimented and one in particular who smokes regularly and even brings a bottle (of alcohol I'm assuming) to school with him. This kid is someone our son has recently started hanging out with a bit more.
Our son is a talented guitarist who plays heavy metal music (?) in a band with some of his friends. All the kids he plays with are good kids and we sound insulated a room in our basement so they can practice at our house. He also plays the tenor sax and is in the school band, the jazz band and the jazz ensemble. He LOVES music and is going to an arts focused high school next year.

This past weekend as a result of some intuitive feelings and some snooping on his computer and a few other clues coming together we discovered (and confronted him) about smoking pot both this past Friday and Sunday with the same unsavory friend. We are at a loss as to how to respond. Both my husband and I would probably be considered by most to be non-drinkers - once a month maybe, a glass of wine or one beer at most. That said, we have strong history of alcoholism and drug addiction on both sides of the family and while we don't want to overreact (we were teenagers too) we are wanting to make sure we convey ZERO TOLERANCE.
Our son has a good heart and is very intelligent and perceptive although he's struggled academically in middle school and this year he was actually diagnosed with ADHD combined and is on a 36mg dose of concerta daily. It helped a lot with his ability to focus and his marks have come up considerably.

We are both saddened and worried about what lies ahead. I have personally seen up close what addiction does to a family and the mere thought of going through anything close to that makes my blood run cold.

Since our son hit grade 7 (last year) we have been reading what we call our "Bradley Bible." We have two or three copies strewn around the house and at this stage use it as the household reference guide or "pep talk" to get us back on course when we stray (which we do sometimes).

I would love to hear from you about what you think an appropriate response to this is. Twice in three days. For me this feels like he has crossed a line that he now feels comfortable crossing and what worries me is high school being around the corner, what might lie ahead. How do we help him stay on the right course??

Thank you in advance for any advice you might be able to share.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
Your son's ADHD likely means that he's fairly impulsive, particularly in the evening when his med wears off. This, in conjunction with his probable bad addiction genes, means that you do need to respond firmly. First, take him out for a coffee and tell him the painful things you saw in your families, the "real costs" of addiction that your son is lucky enough to not see in his own parents. Second, ask that he read the section of "Yes, Your Parents ARE Crazy!" that talks about the addictive potential of weed (that "non-addicting drug"). If he disbelieves that, together do some real (scientific) web research as to the effects of weed on young teens. Third, tell him that after doing the research, you love him way too much to allow him to play Russian Roulette with weed. His impulsiveness and bad genes raise his odds way up of having that "round" of full blown addiction go off every time he smokes.
Finally, offer him some incentive in exchange for giving up the weed with the proviso that you will ask to randomly drug test him. Each time he passes, he gets his reward; each time he fails, he agrees to stay in until he gets a clean test. When he screams that you're punishing him by denying him his friends say, "Not at all. Your friends are welcome here anytime. We just need to be sure that you're able to make good decisions before we can risk you hanging out outside of this house." Quietly repeat the research that shows that kids who start using at age 14 have a four hundred percent increased risk of becoming an addict than folks who wait until age 21 to use.
Good luck.

[Dan]

Like many, my addiction began with weed. There is a "rumor" around high schools that there are no negative effects and that it is non-addictive, and many young people fully accept that as truth. I began to smoke weed in high school, believing there was no harm. I went from smoking a few times a month to multiple times a day over the course of a school year. Even when the use was sporadic, my ability to maintain respectful relationships with my family deteriorated and my grades and ambitions plummeted. My "main" group of friends at the time did not use, but like your son i formed relationships with some unsavory characters and I fell out of touch with my "clean" friends. The marijuana use impaired my judgment significantly, and by the time I was in college I had no hesitation to use other drugs, cocaine and acid in particular. Before I began to smoke weed, I was very rational and sensitive and I always considered risks and the effect I was having on those around me. Looking back, it seems that all of that was out the window when I began to smoke weed. I have since entered the recovery process, but as I'm sure you are well aware, the path of my addiction was destructive and terrible.

I also play guitar in a band, and when I began to smoke all of my hobbies and interests were replaced by the weed. Rather than doing something I enjoy, all of my free time was spent smoking and sitting around doing nothing or seeking out a new dealer or doing overall stupid things. The general public still has this idea that weed is relatively tame, but that is far from the truth. It is a very different creature than it was for the previous generations. The potency of THC is exponentially higher and American "pot culture" is one of excess. Your status is earned by the amount that you smoke, and engaging in use multiple times a day is often expected.

I hope that my story provides some insight to you that will help your son. I can tell that you're knowledgeable on the subject and the fact that you are willing to take action gives me a lot of hope.

[tacobell123]

Cannabis is a substance that is not physically addictive and most importantly NON-LETHAL.

14 is simply too young to be doing any drugs, especially that ADHD speed you've got him, which is probably messing him more moreso.

He's most likely smoking to try and regain some humanity that your ADHD drugs have removed from him. He wants to feel things again and quit being such a dull stick in the mud.