relapse

[Esprit]

After 28 days in in-pt. rehab, jail, 15 months in a court mandated rehab./treatment oriented program which included intensive out-pt, group meetings, individual counseling and NA and on top of all that an excellent, certified in substance abuse, experienced therapist who is able to reach my son AND 22 months of sobriety, my son is relapsed and falling fast. We seem to be almost back to square one. After all of these months of him recognizing that he is an addict and working actively on a daily basis to maintain recovery and seeming truly invested, once the programs ended, it only took a week before he is using again. Within one week, he can no longer attend college, his job is hanging by a thread and he no longer feels he has a problem. His entire personality has changed.

How does a parent begin to cope? How can a non-addict, no matter how trained, understand? I'm sinking with him. I've lost hope of anyone in our family ever being able to live a normal life with the constant devastation, fear, exhaustion, sadness, grief that addiction brings to all those who love the addicted person. When well, my son is a sweet, loving, brilliant person. I had him back for 22 months. And in a weeks time, I've lost him.

If anyone that has been through this has any suggestions, I'd be thankful and eager to hear them.

[andersr4]

Hello, Esprit, I am so sorry that your son has relapsed. I know how heart-breaking this must be for you and your family. I know we are new at the recovery process, and my daughter just got her 60 day chip last Saturday. It is of course in the back of my mind that a slip, and even a full-blown relapse is possible. For now I've been trying to focus on the positives. I looked over some of my books to see what they say about relapse. Specifically to the addict one book recommends, "take away the expectation that you will never slip. Lose the notion that a slip means failure. This does not mean that you shouldn't HOPE that you will never slip. But getting rid of unrealistic expectations may alleviate much of the psychological pressure that can destroy your morale." As parents, we too need to remember this. Your son still needs your support, and you can get through this again. I know how devastated you are feeling, but things can turn around again. No recovery record is perfect, and most involve, at some time or another, a slip or relapse. "One day at a time," from AA and AL-ANON are good to focus on. Also, your son can use this as a learning opportunity. I don't know if you ever tried Al-anon meetings. I've gone a few times. You can go and just share what you're going through, and say that you'd like to talk to someone after the meeting or have someone call you. There are plenty of parents there with experience in this matter that are happy to give you advice and help. Does your church offer any support groups? I joined a mom's group last August, and have been attending faithfully every week. There's just a small group of us, but we bonded immediately, and we can cross-talk. I hope this helps in some small way, and I will be thinking of you. Andersr4 Mom

[Esprit]

Hi Anders4,

Thanks so much for your response. I was actually very concerned about posting on this topic because I was thinking of you and where your daughter is in recovery. Knowing that she is doing so well gives me hope. I feel like the success of any of our children in recovering from addiction provides hope and encouragement to anyone going through this. It sounds like she has really come a long way and that you have as well.

I haven't attended Al Anon and am not sure how I feel about it. I'm so torn apart right now and so scared, that I just don't know if I want to put myself through the emotion of it in a group. But I am considering it. I do turn to close friends who have really helped me through tough times. The counselor who sees my son has been a core source of support for me without whom I don't know if I would have made it. Because he has been through so much with us and has seen the transformation of my son from user to non-user and back again, he understands first hand what this is. He also understands all of the post traumatic stress it has caused. In receiving his help, I am truly fortunate.

Being a mom to my younger son who has been thrust into the middle of this "rollercoaster of addiction" through no choice of his own and who is grieving the loss of his brother back to the addiction as well as being wracked in fear for him....that is my focus....pulling him through and trying to retain some normalcy to our lives. But it is hard.

It is truly a nightmare and I have to try to "take one day at a time" because if I think ahead to far right now, I won't be able to function.

I will never give up on my son and I am there for him always. We recently made a sort of latch ditch effort to help him to think about his current choices and the price he is currently willing to pay for his addiction. I do retain some hope that it will get through to him and that at some point he'll return to us more whole again. Fortunately I've always been able to separate him the person from the addiction which seems a key to focusing on what really matters.

Please keep us updated on your daughter. I have been so happy about her getting help.
Thanks again for your response,
Esprit