help, am I to worried?

[tammy]

I am a complete loss as to what to do. I have been completely clean and sober for the past 20 yrs. I cleaned up when I was 16 and I know the troubles teens can get into, because I did. I have a 13 yr old daughter and am terrified of the things I have seen happening recently. Earleir this year, her grades took a bad turn. Her teachers and I chalked it up to her being gifted and bored, also just being a teenager. Since, then she has worked hard at bringing her grades up. About a month ago she and a frien tried to ditch school. The school called me as soon as she called in "sick" and they only managed to get away with it for 20 min. She lied to me about why they ditched and I found out the next week about the lie. She was very upset about disappointing me, and assured me that that was the biggest lie she had ever told me. We are very close, at least I thought we were until recently. Today I found out, through an open notebook left out in her room, that she has been drunk and wants to do this again. I don't know what to do, am I being too paranoid because of the troubles I got into as a teen? Or should I be as scared as I am? I really don't know what to do now, any suggestions?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Tammy,
First, take a breath and try to distance from your old nightmares from when you were a teen. Your daughter might be going down that same path, but then again, perhaps not. She is a unique peson apart from you. Reacting to her based upon your old pain will not help things one bit. She will react forcefully to that, perhaps yelling, "BUT I'M NOT YOU!!!" and she will be correct.
Instead, focus only upon what SHE is doing, and fashion your response based on HER data, not yours. Remember that much (some say most) of what kids write in diaries is fantasy stuff that never really happened.
Hand her the journal and ask her what it means. Use your judgement (not your fear) to see where she is at. If your heart tells you that she's doing OK, get her some fact sheets on the genetic aspects of addiction and ask her to read them over. Then take her out for a coffee and tell her straight-up about your own experiences as a teen. Your pain can help her to be smarter and stronger than you were as a kid.
If you think that she is in trouble, get her to some counseling quickly. Teen brains get wired for addiction twice as fast as adult brains.
Beyond all else, keep the conversations between you going. Whether she's OK or not, those connections are critical.
Please keep us posted.