Eyebrow problems, haha

[MAH]

My 13 year old daughter and I are always in constant battle over the topic of piercings. She want s to have more, but I absolutely refuse. I do not want her messing up her body at this age, but I do not think ALL piercings are bad. The other day, on the way home, we were arguing about piercings. She said : "It's my body, and you're not the one who has to live with it for the rest of your life!!" I thought that that did have a little bit of meaning, actualy. Anyways, the next day she came home with her eyebrow pierced!! I couldn't find any words to say anything, and I still know I will cry or freeze up if I talk to her about it. Please help!!

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mah,
I've always been amazed by how much of my military training seems to apply to raising teens. In this instance it has to do with never starting fights you can't win. And when you are losing, be sure to lose in a way that gains you the most.
Piercings are one of those battles that you can never win. I've seen so many kids maintain secret piercings (the holes get hidden and the rings taken out as they come up the sidewalk) in things like tongues, nipples and genital areas, that I decided long ago to negotiate piercings with my kids so that I have a better shot at getting less dangerous body parts pierced AS WELL AS getting something in return for the hole in my kid's body. I'll trade an eyebrow hole for better grades or community service anyday. That hole will easily close up when the fad is done, but the growth that occurs for kids working at homeless shelters lasts forever. Besides, that fad will end much faster in your kid if you don't make it a battleground for the fight for your child's autonomy.
Good luck!

[Kate]

Okay, but what if your son comes home with his lip pierced, done by a "friend", doesn't know what type of metal it is...etc. He used money we gave him for other purposes (he has no job, is 16, certainly never asked for permission) .And, it's not the only problem as I am the same mom with the problems with my brother and my son is attending AA and missing school too often and...
tonight my husband took the car away, his license too.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kate again...

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Kate,
Once again, pick your battles. A pierced lip is not worth going to war over. The drugs are (alcohol is one off the worst drugs out there). Given the fight that you guys are in for the life of your child, I'd say that wasting your "ammo" on a piercing battle is not a good idea.
Do not provoke this kid right now. If adorning his body helps him feel more individuated as he fights for sobriety, what's the big deal?
Tell him that he makes you crazy with his impulsive acts (piercing) and that you love him to death for fighting to get sober. In two years, no one will remember the piercing. But if this dumb fight causes your son to quit treatment, you will all remember that for a very long time.
Stay cool.