Confused and Worried

[Scared Mum]

This is my first post - I think I need to be worried about my 16 year old son but then again I'm so confused I don't know what to believe anymore. My son is 16 but thinks he's 21 (typical), he hangs out with older kids (18ish) as a result of his sports. He plays competitive hockey and, as of yet still wants to play although his interest seems to be waning. He skips school ALL THE TIME despite repeated promises to attend class and is in jeopardy of failing this semester. We have found items of drug use (pot) in his room and in the house - he swears they are not his and that he is holding for a friend (admittedly we have never smelled anything on him). He has admitted to smoking pot once or twice and we know he drinks and has sex. I have caught him in lies about school (saying he was there when he wasn't) but it appears he is not lying to my husband - he just thinks I'm stupid and I nag too much. With the drugs and alcohol I suspect he is bending the truth i.e. saying he has tried pot once or twice probably we'd have to add another digit to that. He has no goal in life but "I know I here to make a difference - I just don't know what yet" is his comment. And he doesn't seem to want to take responsiblity - he always has an excuse for everything 'Not my fault - not mine - didn't do it". We actually bought him a car but....he's not driving it yet as he won't complete the driving lessons, therefore can't take his road test. Nor does he want a job to help pay for the insurance etc. I would have thought a teenage boy would "die" for a car. He absolutely will not listen to me...however he has never yet missed a curfew and always calls to let us know where he is. When we double check - he is always where he said he would be - even if it is at a kid's house that we don't "approve" of. We have never dicatate who he can or can't have as friends but have tried to teach him that just because your friends do something you don't have too. We thought that he had bought into that but lately with the lies I'm not so sure. Some days I am afraid to talk to him 'cause I don't know what his response will be. Other days he's my boy again. I don't know which end is up....

[sherrie]

Hello. I have just read your post and I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I posted my first time about 3 weeks ago. Please read my post titled "Newbie with 17 year old son". It is under this forum and also the teen rage, where I posted it accidentally. I don't have any advice really for you. We try to take things one day at a time. It is really hard, and I feel like all my energy is spent just worrying about him. Anyway, if you ever just need to talk to someone, feel free. I know for me sometimes it just helps to "vent". Sherrie

[Scared Mum]

Hi Sherrie,

I read your post again and yes, our situations sound very similar. My boy is in Grade 11, failing, skips constantly, doesn't do the work and is in jeopardy of losing his co-op. He was accepted into a co-op program whereby he would be working at an elementary school as a "gym teacher" (teachers aid) instead of attending regular classes. He doesn't seem to care....I keep telling myself that it is just a phase and he will out grow it and that failing a year of school isn't life threatening...but it's terrible to watch. We have caught him in what we think are lies. We have found signs of drug use in the house - he admits to smoking pot occasionally but that the stuff "isn't his", "I don't do drugs". I want to believe him but I'm struggling. We have a zero drug policy in our house - my husband's brother has a major substance problem and we do not allow him in the house because of it....He did stay with us for about 6 months and we eventually threw him out because he couldn't stay clean. We told our son that we do not want drugs in the house but....we keep finding things. My biggest objective right now is not school - it's to get my son to stop lying so that we can determine the extent of the problem we are dealing with and then...we'll deal with it. I appreciate your reply and it is a two way street...feel free to vent anytime you want. We parents have to stick together

K