Moody Teen

[desperate mom]

My daughter is 16 yrs old. She is a beautiful, talented, intelligent young woman, but she has severe PMS. The doctor has prescribed birth control pills. She has only been taking them for two months. Her PMS has not improved at all. This last week was bad. Her friends have all cancelled their social plans with her, leaving her out in the cold for all the Halloween parties. I made the number 1 error by calling one of the mothers to find out what was going on. Of course it got back to my daughter...not a good situation.

Not only is she dealing with this, but an alcoholic father who is in the process of his second divorce. She has refused to see him or speak with him, but is afraid to lose contact with her step-mother and half-brothers. Her step-mother and I are doing all we can to assure her that this will not happen.

What can I do to help? She refuses to speak with a counsellor. I have taken her to speak with someone in the past relating to issues with her father. When I asked her how she felt about it, she said she just went in and told the counsellor what she wanted to hear & refused to go back again.

How can I help her. Her friends are great kids & I don't want her to end up with the wrong crowd as a result of these problems.

Any help would be appreciated.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
First, find a good adolescent therapist who looks like a good fit for your daughter. You may have to visit a few until you find one that looks right. Next, try calmly asking your daughter if she is OK with the struggle she goes through with her moods. Tell her that other things can cause and/or worsen the moodiness besides PMS, that there are other treatments besides hormones, and that it would be good to chat with a professional about all this.
If she still refuses, bribe her to go to the therapist a few times. If the shrink is good, she may be able to connect with your daughter and keep the therapy going. If not, at least your daughter will know that a good therapist is available to her when she is ready in the future.
Beyond all else, tell her that you love her, are there for her, and that you feel bad that she hurts like that. Keep connected with her, since the moods might improve shortly (via treatment or simple maturation) but her issues with Dad will hurt for a long time, and she will need you now more than ever.
Be well.