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berrymama
12-22-2004, 11:53 AM
My daughter turned 18 in November. A week before her birthday I found out she smokes cigarettes, drinks, has smoked marijuana, and has been having sex. We have always been very close and spend a lot of time together. I never had my head in the clouds, or looked the other way- in fact my eyes were always wide open, due to the addiction problems in our family. I have been talking to her about right & wrong since day one.

I had smelled beer on her 3 times, & tried to handle it like you advised in your book. One day I smelled smoke on her breath & she confessed all of the above to me, and said it had been going on for about a year!!! She started seeing a counselor. Tonight she went out after work(almost everyone she works with parties heavily & are older than her. One guy just got busted for large amounts of marijuana, and pills), she called to check in & sounded funny. I called her an hour later, & she sounded out of it. I insisted on picking her up,& was lucky to get directions from a voice in the background-someone from work. She stumbled out of the house & into the car. She confessed to doing Zanex!!!!!!

Plus drinking!!! I was going to take her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped. My husband talked me out of it. She said she took one, & had half of a beer. Later in the night she said she took 2 pills & didn't know how many beers. It has been hours now that she has been home & I have been waking her every hour. I feel negligent for not taking her to the hospital, even though at this point I know she'll be ok. I found a bag of Marijuana & 3 pills-which I assume are Zanex?? (They don't say that on them though). My name is also on her car title, so she lost that privilege last week when she drank, and then drove. How do I handle life life threatening situations, and set drastic limits, when she is throwing her age in my face all the time.I don't want her to move out of the house. I thought we were breezing through adolescence-now I don't trust my guts, & the trust between my daughter & I is shattered.

I still expect the best of her, but then the proverbial punch in the throat seems to always come. I love your book,& I know you are full of wisdom. PLEASE HELP ME-I would appreciate any advice!!!!!

Mike Bradley
12-22-2004, 03:38 PM
Dear Mom,
First, yes, follow your instincts and in the future take her to the hospital whenever she seems "messed up". Kids rarely admit to the total amounts of drugs they take, and often can't really remember. Drinking on top of pills is particularly dangerous. Even if the hospital sends you home, it makes the point to your daughter that she is playing with live hand grenades.

Next, ask for family sessions with the counselor where you guys can work out some ground rules to keep your daughter safe. Be calm but firm in stating that NO drug use (to include alcohol) is OK. I know that seems unreasonable with an 18-year-old, but any "reasonable" limit you set will get exceeded anyway (much like speed limits). So you might as well set your limit at zero.

In particular, you need to get her to look at the drinking-on-pill use. This is another league of drug misuse that is very, very serious. Beyond this, your daughter needs to chat with the counselor as to why she feels the need to get so messed up.

Move quickly, and keep us posted.

berrymama
12-23-2004, 12:10 PM
Thank you for your reply. My daughter admitted to taking xanax whenever she goes to work! We insisted she quit work as well as associating with the people at work. She, surprisingly, complied. There were days of talking involved. She does not want to feel her feelings. She does not feel good about herself- and she does not know why. Her counselor recommended an addictions counselor, which she agreed to see.

She is having some mild withdrawl symptoms today, so I know she is being honest about trying to quit. I hope she stops now & does not continue on the path of self destruction. I appreciate your advice.

I will keep you posted.

Much Thanks

Mike Bradley
12-23-2004, 01:43 PM
Dear Mom,
Please check with your daughter and ask her to "straight-up" tell you how much Xanax she's used daily, and for how long. Then call your MD ASAP and see if she needs a weaning schedule to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Depending upon dosage, going cold-turkey off of Xanax can be very rough, so rough that some kids go back on dangerously high illegal doses to try and feel better.
At the risk of self-promoting (I do get 70 cents for each book sale) please ask her to read the drug sections of our new book, YES, YOUR PARENTS ARE CRAZY! It will help orient her to more quickly realize the benefits of therapy with the addictions specialist.

By the way, congratulations! No, I'm not being sarcastic. Your daughter might have been saved from a much more serious drug problem (or even worse) by your loving connection with her that allowed her to finally confide in you. When we use that "good 'ol rage" stuff in parenting our kids, we lose them to much worse levels of insanity.

Please tell your daughter that my thoughts are with her as she fights this fight for her life.

Keep us posted.