Need counselor now

[cgmom]

Our 17 year old son has exploded. He has lost 5 friends, 3 very close, in the last six months to auto accidents. There have been pot problems in the past. There are other family issues as well. The loss of his friends has caused his anger to erupt, and we can't control it anymore. We need someone in the Tampa area, preferrably like you. In the past when I've looked for counselors I haven't had any luck with ones that could connect with him. Please help.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
First, stay very close to your son for the time being. His risk of hurting himself gets dramatically higher having lost so many friends so fast. And drinking runs that risk even higher (booze is a depressant). Please keep a very close eye on him. If he hates the supervision, offer to put him on salary to hang around with you for awhile. Ask him directly if he's had thoughts of death and dying, and if he's considered killing himself. If he acknowledges any such thoughts, see if he'll agree to an immediate evaluation at the nearest hospital. If he refuses, consult the local mental-health center regarding forced committment for evaluation.
If he seems OK, still get to the first-available shrink for a risk-assessment. The shrink doesn't have to be great, just competent to see if your kid is safe for now.
Then consult Chapter 16 of the book on how to locate a long-term therapist for your son.
I'm sorry to be so alarmist, and the odds are that your son is going to be fine. But we've lost far too many kids to suicide to take any risks casually. We must err on the side of safety.
Keep us posted, and good luck.

[admin]

There is a good counselor resource in the "link section" of Dr. Bradley's site at:
http://www.docmikebradley.com/links.html

Click on "Counselor Find" to locate a counselor in your area who is affiliated with the National Board for Certified Counselors.

Best of luck.

[cgmom]

Wow - what a task to find a counselor. There are none in our town that are appropriate, and so we've interviewed 2 in a town an hour away. I think the second one could address many of the issues, but I think he'll thoroughly p*** our son off just in some of the way he challenges things. He could get him to think though, and he immediately mentioned the fact about teens being "crazy", their brains not finished developing, and the ill effects of pot on a teenagers brain. He would want him to take a drug screen, since that's a big issue, and would want him to read literature and keep a worksheet. Meanwhile, our son insists he will not go to see anyone, we can take away his car, whatever, but he's not crazy and doesn't need to see anyone. We've said we all need to just talk to someone because things just aren't normal, but right now he's refusing. We'll go a few days and then things will blow up. He has a lot of anger towards me right now. I know he's using pot. He told his dad in confidence he uses only once a month or so at social gatherings, but I think it's much more than that, and thus I don't trust him when he wants to spend time with friends, the nights at their houses, et. cet., which causes blow ups, more anger, and it's just a vicious cycle. He says he hates me and can't wait to move out, I'll never be a part of his life, and many other hurtful things when he's angry. I think he's using pot to ease the feelings of losing his friends to car accidents. When he's extremely angry he'll end up many times crying, "I'm not a bad kid. Most parents would pay to have a kid like me. I'm going to hang out with my friends because they may not be here tomorrow." We assure him he's not a bad kid, he has a lot of good things going for him, but we can't tolerate the pot issue. He'll lie and say he's not using. He hasn't been in trouble with the law or at school, makes average grades, stays in contact by cell phone, and for the most part does what we ask. But he is detached, has so much anger inside, and the pot use is a HUGE issue between he and I. I've told him it's ruining our relationship, and it's not worth it. But I can't condone it. And I see signs that he may be getting it from the older brother of an ex (bad influence) friend, and providing it to others. I don't have concrete proof, but just certain cell phone calls and other clues lead me to that conclusion. It's making us crazy. Any advice on how to get him to the counselor? My husband's still talking with him about it. I don't think he'll go for any bribes, although we're certainly willing to try. My feeling is we need to just tell him we're concerned about the pot use. It's dangerous to drive a car if he's smoking. It's dangerous to drive if he's angry, and he needs to see a counselor at least a few times or he can't drive. I've even thought of telling him we're the ones who are paranoid after all the car accidents among his friends, and we need him to do this to alleviate OUR paranoia. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I wish you had a twin brother, Dr. Bradley, who was a counselor in Florida!

We're almost afraid if we push the counseling issue to the limit he'll do something really stupid, yet we can't go on this way. I'm espicially worried that if it's not the right counselor, it will make things worse.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
I assume that you've asked all of the people you can think of who deal with teens for recommendations. If so, then perhaps the person you found is your best bet; however, if he gets heavy-handed with your son, that is likely not going to work out too well.
Start with this therapist, but tell your son that if they don't "click", that you will keep looking until you find one that you all like.
Hang in there!

[Charlett]

My daughter saw a therapist since last may. Last week we took her to a new one. HE seemed to be able to Connect with her. She hated it and is upset that he seemed to know her thoughts. She is saying that she does not want to see him and she has a therapist. What I will be doing now is going with her untill she warms up, Alternating with my husband. At he recomenddation. I believe that she is afraid this therapistt will be able to find out the real reason for her depression and anger. It can be hard to find one that takes your insurance(If lucky enough to have it), And connects with your child and the family. Keep looking. I wish you well. Charlett