The worst that can happen

[Christine]

Our 15-year old son subjects us to daily rages. He is our 4th teen-each has had troubles, but this is the worst. We have been through much with him this year: he is struggling with his sexual identity & we have done everything to support him with this. He is in treatment for depression since he reached the lowest point, threatened suicide & spent 3 weeks hospitalized in Feb. All of this has taken its toll on us.Now he is on the verge of failing all his major subjects. He says he doesn't care the slightest and other things are more important to him than school. We agree, but cannot watch him throw his life away. He lies about his homework and grades and always tells us he is doing better than he is. He thinks it is just fine to pass with a D-. He has ADHD but very bright & usually a good student. How can we protect ourselves from being so batted down by the rages that we give up? How can we keep school from becoming part of the battle ground, while helping him to get through?

[leliav]

Christine,
Please know you're not alone. I too have a ADHD 15 year old and yes, he is failing school. But, books like Dr. Bradley's have been very helpful with filtering out the pedagogical methods of parenting I was raised with, to help me understand my child from a different perspective. I've applied more patience that I ever thought I had, love and boudaries, this way of thinking is becoming more intuative as time goes on. Progress now is realized in small & previously unoticed ways, they are more solid. My son failed this year, but I have learned so much, and my son is learning alot more really important life lessons he'll need later on. He has an IEP and I'm working closely with his school, a family counselor and one just for him. Although his identity struggle is not one of sexual identity, he has had a great deal of trouble fitting in with his peers. He identifies with the Eminem type culture but goes to a affluent school where about 2% of the students dress Hip-Hop. I can't say if everything is going to turn out ok, but I am thankful he's back in school on a consistent basis and he is ok with it. For now, I am so grateful for this, and we're slowly building a foundation for academic success for next year. We can't raise a kid alone in this culture (or any other), and we are developing resources to help in different ways. It really does take a village to raise a child. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF to replenish your spirit. You can't give what you don't have. One day at a time! -Lee