Moving out

[MomInFLA]

Can my son move out of my house at 16? He wants to move in with his friend and his dad? Does anyone know where I can get some information on parental rights? What he has to do according to the law? How can I stop him? Or do not want to stop him? SHould I just let him go? I cant believe that he looks at us with such hatred. I guess there does come a time when you totally disconnect from your kid, and dont know him at all. I wish he could feel the hurt he is imposing on us. I am reading the book and hopefully I will be able to ride this out I just got to the first commandment. and your right Easier said than done. HELP any advise?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
Check with your state youth services agencies regarding your legal question. The law varies by state, but in many states a 16-year-old can be emancipated from his family. But that is really not the critical issue.
You've got to get a grip here. Stop believing that his words and his looks truly represent what is in his heart. He's having a huge tantrum. Do not lsiten to hurtful, hateful, tantrum words as if they represent some final truth. Remember when he was four and yelled, "I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A POOPY HEAD!"? You wouldn't take that personally then, so don't do it now. Yes, he looks all grown up, and "YOU'RE A POOPY HEAD" has become "YOU'RE A S***HEAD", but the game is exactly the same. He's just nuts right now.
So detach from his insanity. Stop letting his words wound you. But stay close to his heart by saying, "I'm sorry I make you so crazy, but I still love you, and I wish we could work this out."
Consider allowing him to move into the friend's house for awhile (if it's a safe place) in exchange for his going to family counseling with you guys. The time apart might allow a cooling-down where everyone can remember what's truly important: not rage-fueled insults, but the connections between parents and their kids. You'll have to take it on faith that your son, along with virtually every other crazy teen, does not want to be crazy or divorced from their parents. They just need to find a way to control whatever demons infect their souls from time to time. It's up to us to show them the way with respect, compassion, and tolerance ESPECIALLY when they show none to us.
Get to the counseling NOW, hang in there and keep us posted.

[MomInFLA]

Today I wrote my son a letter stating how much we love him and no matter what he does he cant stop that love. I asked him to read it through and if nothing else he can always have it as a reminder of how much we love him and that there are no road blocks on the street that leads him back to us. He doesnt listen when we talk and shuts down . Maybe this can be read and interpreted without the emotion that usally accompanies a discussion. I willl pray Meantime I am waiting for a Youth Counselor to call me back, for him and a Psychiatrist for my husband and I. Your responses are so solid and sane and they help Thank you!