boy 19 girl 15 getting serious

[cabhme]

My 19 yr. old son is now having a sexual relationship with the 15 yr. old girl he has been hanging out with for the past few months. It is not illegal in our state. I feel I need to talk to her parents. I know they are not aware of this as the girl has to sneak around to be with my son. He has started lying to me because he knows I do not think this relationship is a good idea but they are always together or talking on the phone. Should I call her mother?

[Mike Bradley]

I'm so sorry to say this, but yes, you must immediately tell the girl's parents. And first tell your son upfront that you are going to do this. While he's likely screaming, tell him calmly that this is one of those rare instances where there is no room for negotiation since people can get seriously hurt here. Make two points.
The first is that what is legally permissable is often morally/ethically terrible, that the law is NOT the arbiter of what's right or wrong. That if he really cares about this girl he would not risk damaging her by sexual involvement. A four-year difference in teenage years gives him great power over this girl that makes this an unequal relationship, much like doctors with their patients.
Second, explain that since he was unable to see the wrong in what he's doing (and lying to boot) that this tells you that he is not ready for the kind of autonomy he wants.
He will likely yell, but he will also learn a lesson if you can keep your own cool through this.
Good luck.