twilightzone
02-07-2005, 10:58 AM
Dear Dr. Bradley,
I cannot begin to thank you for your giftedness that you have chosen to share with as many people as possible through your book and this website.
I believe we have actually turned a corner after a hellish 9 months and you and your advice and website have been a part of helping us get through it, along with God, some dear friends and each other.
One of the hardest things about this whole situation was that there were no clear right/wrong answers on how we should handle each scary situation. Everyone is different and has different opinions and everyone's family is different. But what helped me, especially, was the many resources to obtain advice from and then after taking all of the advice into account, applying it to who we are as a couple and as a family.
We chose to tell our daughter yesterday what I heard on the phone. We braced ourselves for the worst and prayed for the best. What we got was very encouraging. Our daughter certainly didn't like that I had listened but she has gained enough brain power to understand why I did it given what we've been through in the last 9 months. She said please trust me that I will handle this and then she actually did. She sobbed loudly in her room and, I gather, gave a lot of thought to what she would do. According to our daughter, she told this boy last night that her mom heard him tell her what he had done. He hemmed and hawed and kept changing his story and she confronted him on it every step of the way. Because he was not upfront with her she refused to speak to him. He kept trying to apologize but she simply felt she couldn't believe anything he said. They were at her girlfriend's home to watch the super bowl and he finally gave up and called his mom to pick him up. I am realistic to know that this may not be over but have more confidence than I could have imagined that she has what she needs to work through it.
This morning I wrote to her and apologized for listening in but said that I would do anything to protect her and I knew she would do the same if it were her daughter. I told her the fact of the matter is that I don’t want to listen in or feel I have to be the one to protect her and the strength and wisdom she showed in this situation last night gives me a tremendous amount of confidence that I don’t have to do this anymore. I told her how freeing this was for me. My actions in parenting have proven that I want freedom and independence for my children because that’s the way it should be and because I know I won’t always be here to protect them. I wrote that I pray for her to feel empowered to live her life with the strength and confidence in the bright, gifted, special person she is.
I told her I’m sorry she had to go through these very difficult situations but she is clearly a wiser, stronger person because of them and for this I am thankful to God who has been there for her, her Dad and me through all of this. I ended with “I love you with all of my heart”. When she was ready to leave for school this morning, she put her arms around me, gave me a squeeze and said “Thank you, Mom”. Those are probably the sweetest words my ears have ever heard. I’m praying for all of you parents out there who deeply love your kids so much and are currently experiencing how scary our world can be sometimes. Stay vigilant and never give up on them. May God give you the courage and strength and peace to get through it.
I cannot begin to thank you for your giftedness that you have chosen to share with as many people as possible through your book and this website.
I believe we have actually turned a corner after a hellish 9 months and you and your advice and website have been a part of helping us get through it, along with God, some dear friends and each other.
One of the hardest things about this whole situation was that there were no clear right/wrong answers on how we should handle each scary situation. Everyone is different and has different opinions and everyone's family is different. But what helped me, especially, was the many resources to obtain advice from and then after taking all of the advice into account, applying it to who we are as a couple and as a family.
We chose to tell our daughter yesterday what I heard on the phone. We braced ourselves for the worst and prayed for the best. What we got was very encouraging. Our daughter certainly didn't like that I had listened but she has gained enough brain power to understand why I did it given what we've been through in the last 9 months. She said please trust me that I will handle this and then she actually did. She sobbed loudly in her room and, I gather, gave a lot of thought to what she would do. According to our daughter, she told this boy last night that her mom heard him tell her what he had done. He hemmed and hawed and kept changing his story and she confronted him on it every step of the way. Because he was not upfront with her she refused to speak to him. He kept trying to apologize but she simply felt she couldn't believe anything he said. They were at her girlfriend's home to watch the super bowl and he finally gave up and called his mom to pick him up. I am realistic to know that this may not be over but have more confidence than I could have imagined that she has what she needs to work through it.
This morning I wrote to her and apologized for listening in but said that I would do anything to protect her and I knew she would do the same if it were her daughter. I told her the fact of the matter is that I don’t want to listen in or feel I have to be the one to protect her and the strength and wisdom she showed in this situation last night gives me a tremendous amount of confidence that I don’t have to do this anymore. I told her how freeing this was for me. My actions in parenting have proven that I want freedom and independence for my children because that’s the way it should be and because I know I won’t always be here to protect them. I wrote that I pray for her to feel empowered to live her life with the strength and confidence in the bright, gifted, special person she is.
I told her I’m sorry she had to go through these very difficult situations but she is clearly a wiser, stronger person because of them and for this I am thankful to God who has been there for her, her Dad and me through all of this. I ended with “I love you with all of my heart”. When she was ready to leave for school this morning, she put her arms around me, gave me a squeeze and said “Thank you, Mom”. Those are probably the sweetest words my ears have ever heard. I’m praying for all of you parents out there who deeply love your kids so much and are currently experiencing how scary our world can be sometimes. Stay vigilant and never give up on them. May God give you the courage and strength and peace to get through it.