Should you admit you're own past or present use?

[Stacy]

Hey Doc,

In your books you talk about coming clean about you're own mistakes, being honest, and genuinely apologizing, etc. My son is going to be 18 this year and is coming home from drug rehab at the end of the month. He's suspected my own occasional pot use and his dad has told him some stories about our own adolesent misgivings. I found out before my son left that it was common for him to have beers and smoke pot with his dad! That's another nightmare by itself, but he is starting to see him for who he truly is after not even recieving a Christmas card from him while he's been away. I've been having the feeling I should talk to my son about any of my own drug mistakes and what I learned and how I am now literally giving up my only 2 friends because that's all they're about.

Some of your kids in the books talk about the parents being dishonest and hypocrites regarding this subject so, what do you think? I would feel better coming clean, but would it help my son or would he just see me as a loser and make things worse?

Single parenting sucks! LOL Thanks Doc, Stacy

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Stacy,
My experience has overwhelmingly shown that when parents 'fess up about their own failings, it only increases their kids' respect for them, and helps kids make better decisions themselves. It does NOT "give kids permission" to do the same crazy things.
Sorry! I'd love to tell my own kids about my own "perfect" childhood as well. Unfortunately, my kids, like yours, are not stupid, and they know a pile of horse droppings when they hear it. So I don't feel that we have much of a choice anyway, if that's any comfort.
Hang in there Mom!

[Stacy]

Doc,

Thanks very much for the quick reply. I've been losing A LOT of sleep over this for awhile know, due to him coming home soon. I hope it will be good for both of us and even thought we've always been close, it will finally break down this sort of secret wall that's been up for as long as I can remember. He's one of the "good" ones; super bright, intelligent, funny, fearless, personable, only one notch on his belt, a natural leader - everything I wasn't. The thought of that going down the drain rips what's left of my heart out. SO, now with you're help, I will bravely spill my beans and hope for the best. Hey, I could give him a little info and then tell him that if he reads your book from cover to cover, he can hear the rest! LOL All teens need to read this book!!! Whatever works, eh?

Thanks again Doc,

Stacy