Tattoos

[Brian]

Dr. Mike’s book is outstanding, but it doesn’t address one issue I’m facing. Mike advises against doing battle with your kid on issues of appearance – green hair and body piercings, for example, saying that it’s better to save your ammo for the really big issues.

But what about appearance issues that are permanently disfiguring – specifically tattooing. Who hasn't seen an aging veteran who has had to make it through life with a naked hula girl emblazoned on his forearm. You just know that he made the irreversible decision to get that tattoo on a drunken night on the town back when he was an 18-year-old GI serving in the South Pacific.

Surely I need to do everything I can to spare my son the same fate. But WHAT? and HOW?

Help - Mike! - Anyone!

[Carlene]

I worried about my son getting tatoos too. But when I realized there were places he could get them without my premission (I mean parlors not body parts) I decided to find out more.

I found out that technology had come pretty far since my Dad's Navy days, and that tattoos could be removed now in a variety of ways--lazers, surgical techniques, bleaching, etc.

So while it doesn't just give teens license to do whatever to their bodies, tattoos are not as permanent as they used to be. Besides, I'm willing to bet it will not be the stigma in 20-30 years that it was to our generation.

So all that said, I've talked to my son about all these things, and just encouraged him to be careful where he gets them (body parts) and what kind of artwork he chooses.

[Mike Bradley]

This question is a good one for all parents. One of the best tattoo thoughts (you might want to use) I've ever heard was from a 16 year old who off-handedly noted, "You know, if I got a tattoo every time I wanted, right now on my back in descending order I'd have N'SYNC, WWF, POWER RANGERS and BARNEY."

But if that wisdom doesn't dissuade your kid (and it likely won't) try first understanding and then bargaining. This strategy applies to any appearance struggle you're having with junior. The understanding part is trying to get a sense of why this is so important to your kid. It might actually be something that enhances his identity and helps him feel better about himself. It might be a safer way of him dealing with his peers who could be encouraging him to try worse forms of experimentation. It might be her way of "cutting loose" a bit from being such a conforming kid. Ironically, allowing kids these forms of identity exploration do not encourage them to get crazy but usually help keep kids safer. Yes, a tattoo is forever, but no, it usually won't kill her.

So get smart. See if you can bargain for time with some other reward (the tattoo urge can die in a month). Negotiate for increased responsibilities ("Do 'A' and 'B' work this semester and you can disfigure yourself in January"). Try and avoid ultimatums. In ten years your kid may hate what he put on his arm, but he'll likely admire and want to copy your patience and love in allowing him to make his own decisions that you disagreed with. Think long-term character, not appearance. And besides, what if he wants to write "MOM" on his back?