Compulsive lying & attention seeking

[Stressedmum]

I am really worried about my 16 year old. She lies all the time. We are not just talking about little lies either. She has alleged to friends that she has been raped (so may times - different people - and generally at a time we can totally disprove) she says shes been pregnant, had cancer, had surgery. It goes on and on. No only worrying others but setting a really poor example for her almost 5 year old brother. I am her stepmum she lives with me part time. Her mother is generally her full time carer and although worried - things just seem to go on and no real improvement is seen.. Partly as no one wants to upset the child. our family sounds dysfunctional but it is actually really good. I am separated from childs father but we are now great friends we (all 4 parents) are always there for her and she knows it. She learn't at an early age to fake illness for attention. My concern is that her lies are getting bigger and more risky. She could accuse someone of rape and ruin there life. Or worse it may actually happen and no one may believe her. Her friends know she's lying so eventually she will lose them too.
How can I help her?? I love her so much and am at a loss of what to do. I am single 36 year old mum with a almost 5 year old recovering from Post traumatic stress (he & i were in car accident may last year) My stepdaughters mum is leaving town for work and my stepdaughter will be with me full time. Scares the hell out of me, how can I help her? I have edited as sounds like I was being judgemental of the other parents. We all 4 adore the child and in our own way are trying to help her. Just so frustating

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mum,
This girl needs professional help, and quickly. Those kinds of lies at age 16 are not normal and quite dangerous. Please get her to a good, well-credentialled therapist soon, preferably a female one. Her behavior could indicate a serious disorder, although having her significant adults keep disappearing on her as they have could account for this as well.
Please let us know how you make out.

[Stressedmum]

16 year old now with me full time. Her stepdad and dad still around but neither playing a significant role in her life. I am getting her to a psychologist. She is doing a little better with a stable home life even though its been really hard to have 2 really demanding children. My 4 year old was diagnosed with post traumatic stress last year. Mostly recovered but his behaviour is still being worked on and now my stepdaughter. I have to watch her closely to ensure she eats, sleeps and generally looks after herself but her lies seem to either be better hidden or reducing. Thanks for your advice we are hanging in there
Stressedmum

[Stressedmum]

Currently with mental health but I am concerned she is already manipulating the counsellor. Do I assume counsellor can see this?
CHild lies about everything, Begun a internet/sms relationship with a male ex teacher from her school who had moved away. Became a concern for us. He visited town she snuck out to see him and was with him alone for nearly 3 hours. Teacher was approached by dept of ed and is now suspended. Child sees nothing wrong with her behaviour. Principal suggested time off school, she was unhappy with this and has convinced counsellor to talk principal into allowing her back after only 3 days. I am scared to death, the moment she gets back to school, it will all start again. She has not really been adversely affected by this. But others have. How can I protect her from herself? 1 day ago she was saying she would kill herself it she could not be with him and laughing about her current teacher who had got himself in trouble for trying to protect her!

Stressedmum

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
It is vital that you and your daughter meet with the counselor together so that you can spell out your concerns with your daughter there. This gives the counselor lots of information that helps her or him to best help your daughter. After 30 years of doing this work, I am still amazed how I get "taken in" by kids and parents when I don't get the opportunity to see them together.
Be sure to underscore the seriousness of your daughter's risk-taking behavior. The more you speak about your daughter, the more I think that a psychiatric evaluation might be helpful as well. Consult with your counselor about this.
Please keep us posted.