divorce issue

[admin]

Posted for a reader by web administrator:
I am presently going through a divorce due to the infidelity of my husband. My 15 year old son is very angry with his father, but is afraid to express it to him and ends up taking it out on others. He does not even want to meet the other woman and his dad may marry her when the divorce is final. I am concerned that he will not be able to handle his anger when that time comes. How can I help him? I am certain that my own hurt and anger have influenced the way that he feels and I feel guilty about that.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
First, how wonderful you are to rise above your own pain and see the need for your son to maintain a relationship with his dad. And how further wonderful you are to recognize that your earlier feelings may have influenced your son.
Tell your son all of this. Let him know that he must sort out only his own anger with his dad, that you can handle your own. Help him separate these things so that he does not end up trying to carry your pain as well. He might be trying to stick up for you with the old man.
By the way, where is dad in all of this? He needs to let his son "throw-up" all of those bad feelings he has about his dad's actions. I hope dad is as tough as you are so that he can let his son be furious with him for breaking up the family. If dad does not own his own behavior here and apologize to his son for being unable to honor his committments, I'm afraid your son may not be able to put things together with dad for quite some time. Kids can forgive us our own failures BUT ONLY when we're straight-up with them about our actions.