Marilynne
04-23-2005, 07:11 PM
Hi Doc Bradley -
I've come upon an issue that I vowed to ask you about. I know how we should choose our battles, yada, yada, yada. And I know I am VERY fortunate to have a son who has not gotten into any trouble, does well in school, is dual enrolled in college, has a job, keeps his curfew, pays his own car insurance, doesn't ask for money, is good to his sister and family, and (sometimes) helps around the house - with distress of course!
I've been battling with my son on this issue for the past 5-6 years! It's not "critical", just very, very overdue. He has severe allergies and a room that is a total pit! He does not eat in there, so food isn't the problem. You just can't get around in there because he absolutely refuses to clean anything out or throw anything away. He only sleeps and dresses in there so he's doesn't "live" in there, but I have to use his closet for storage and it is definitely out of hand. He was promised a new computer for his 18th birthday and graduation, which is in the next month. He knows this is coming, and can't wait. However, I have recently decided that I'm done asking about the bedroom and told him that the computer will be ordered when the room is attended to and emptied out of all old things, dust, clothing, books, junk, etc. and cleaned up. You can't see his desk, he doesn't use the dresser, didn't want his 18 year old carpet replaced because he didn't want to clean the room out. You can't open the closet doors and the dust is really bad. I've threatened to throw it all on the front porch, but knowing him - it will stay there!! I know his allergies would improve (and my $$ situation) because he wouldn't need the doctor and prescriptions so much! The rest of our house is NOT like this (except my 16 year old daughter's room) but she does clean it out when asked. I don't feel Spring cleaning should be the mom's job when the kid is nearing 18, and he certainly reminds us of that fact. He won't be leaving for college for a year, and after 6 years of arguing, I'm not willing to wait. I know you must think this is such a petty issue, but it's time! His dad agrees it should be done, but isn't the type to argue about it - he'd rather forget the mess exists, but I can't. And because he is a "by the book" strong-willed Taurus, he is convinced that his allergies have NOTHING to do with the dust in his room. The rest of the house is kept up very well. But since I have to go in there, I'm demanding some cooperation, but not getting it - thus the "conditions" on the new computer! What's a mom to do?
I've come upon an issue that I vowed to ask you about. I know how we should choose our battles, yada, yada, yada. And I know I am VERY fortunate to have a son who has not gotten into any trouble, does well in school, is dual enrolled in college, has a job, keeps his curfew, pays his own car insurance, doesn't ask for money, is good to his sister and family, and (sometimes) helps around the house - with distress of course!
I've been battling with my son on this issue for the past 5-6 years! It's not "critical", just very, very overdue. He has severe allergies and a room that is a total pit! He does not eat in there, so food isn't the problem. You just can't get around in there because he absolutely refuses to clean anything out or throw anything away. He only sleeps and dresses in there so he's doesn't "live" in there, but I have to use his closet for storage and it is definitely out of hand. He was promised a new computer for his 18th birthday and graduation, which is in the next month. He knows this is coming, and can't wait. However, I have recently decided that I'm done asking about the bedroom and told him that the computer will be ordered when the room is attended to and emptied out of all old things, dust, clothing, books, junk, etc. and cleaned up. You can't see his desk, he doesn't use the dresser, didn't want his 18 year old carpet replaced because he didn't want to clean the room out. You can't open the closet doors and the dust is really bad. I've threatened to throw it all on the front porch, but knowing him - it will stay there!! I know his allergies would improve (and my $$ situation) because he wouldn't need the doctor and prescriptions so much! The rest of our house is NOT like this (except my 16 year old daughter's room) but she does clean it out when asked. I don't feel Spring cleaning should be the mom's job when the kid is nearing 18, and he certainly reminds us of that fact. He won't be leaving for college for a year, and after 6 years of arguing, I'm not willing to wait. I know you must think this is such a petty issue, but it's time! His dad agrees it should be done, but isn't the type to argue about it - he'd rather forget the mess exists, but I can't. And because he is a "by the book" strong-willed Taurus, he is convinced that his allergies have NOTHING to do with the dust in his room. The rest of the house is kept up very well. But since I have to go in there, I'm demanding some cooperation, but not getting it - thus the "conditions" on the new computer! What's a mom to do?