PDA

View Full Version : Worried About Daughter


Jan
05-05-2005, 04:25 PM
My husband and I have just been through a year of torture with our son, who is now 18. We are getting past that, thanks to Dr. Bradley's book, which was a huge source of information and comfort for me, and he's doing okay. Now I'm concerned about our 15 year old daughter. She is basically a very good kid, and I thought we were pretty close, but the other day I was in her room and came across a notebook that she has apparently been using as a journal. I probably shouldn't have opened it, but I did. I was shocked to read all the inner turmoil and preoccupation she has about boys! Apparently there are boys flirting and trying to coerce her into stuff she's not even close to being ready for. She expressed a need to find a boy who will truly love her and make her happy, etc. Just the other day she and I had a conversation about why some girls seem so obsessed with having a boyfriend and act like they're nothing without a boy. She had made some very mature statements about her friends being obsessed with boys and how she thought that was silly. I was impressed by the sense of self-confidence I was feeling from her. Was that just an act? Was she just saying what she thought I wanted to hear? I remember being pretty obsessed with boys as a teen, but I was a very troubled teen with very little parental support. Is it normal for a happy, healthy, loved and well-adjusted 15 year old girl to have such longings for boys?

Mike Bradley
05-06-2005, 09:08 AM
Dear Mom,
I don't know how any kids today do NOT become obsessed with sex and relationship issues given the world we've set up around them. That said, it is great that your daughter is writing and talking about this. Yes, her criticisms of her obsessed "friends" are likely self-disclosive statements to some degree (shrinks call this projection), but that's OK. We all do this.
Stay close to this girl and continue to deal this through by talking with her about her nameless "friends." Through them, she can safely talk out a lot of this stuff with you. You might also let her know that if she wants more information on these topics, that there are lots of professional helpers she might want to see a few times.
Take care.