Sexual Orientation

[WMAQ]

Is it normal for 15 yo girls to "experimant" with the idea of being lesbians. I'm talking about kissing. My daughter and her friend like to kiss (lip) in public. Should I be concerned? I don't think I'm upset about her thinking about being gay, but more the public displays. But I think I'm being a hypocrute because I probably wouldn't react this way if it were a bot (and she does have boyfriends).

I'm confused.
WMAQ

[Carlene]

If by "bots" you mean robots, I completely understand. After all, there's little emotional attachment to kissing machinery. But still, you have to wonder how far technology can go. Hmmm...do you know where I can get one of those kissing bots? I looked at my local mall and all I found were teenage girls pretending to be lesbians. Maybe malls are differnt in your area.

[WMAQ]

Carlene,
I hope you were trying to lighten my mood. I was typing very fast and meant "boy". Iwill be more careful with my proofreading next time. So I'm going to try and interpret your reply as: "many girls out there pretend to be lesbians in their search for identity". So my response should probably be to ignore it unless she wants to talk about it? I hope this will clarify what I was looking for. Sorry about the typos, I'll be more careful in the future.

[Carlene]

I'm sorry, yes I was trying to lighten the mood. I know this problem probably seems really serious to you, but if you look around these boards you'll quickly see it can get much worse. This is not to diminish your own personal situation, but yes, I have noticed many young girls "playing" at being lesbians. If I were you, I would talk to my daughter about the public displays, and work on keeping open lines of communication. Maybe tell her you know things are very different than when you were young, and you're trying to understand how her relating to her friends is different than how you related to yours--maybe it's even better than how we old dinossauers related to our friends? In any girls life, friends are the most important thing--maybe for life--so if it's just a little kissing and experimenting, I say don't worry about it. She either is or she isn't, and you just have to love her either way. That's my two cents!

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
Isn't it amazing how each generation of kids can find new and unique ways to torture parents? The fact is that this has been happening since at least the days of the Greek philosophers (Socrates was APPALLED at the behavior of ancient teens).
To answer your question, no, it is not all that unusual for kids to "experiment" with homosexual sex, and this behavior usually has little to do with the resolution of ultimate sexual orientation.
However, your daughter's very public displays are another matter, something intended to shock others. This "playing" at being lesbian or bisexual happens to be a recent "rage" among teens, an act to get attention.
What to do? "Dispassionately" react to reduce the intended payoff. Perhaps say, "Your sexual orientation is your own private matter; however, making-out in front of others happens to be rude. I know, I know---I'm, like, a dinosaur, and all hung up about this stuff, but that's who I am. So I'd appreciate it if you'd knock it off in front of me." If she persists, then let her see that it's hard for you to do things like give her rides to the mall if she keeps making you uncomfortable like that.
The odds are great that if you keep your frosty and not over react to this, it will go away shortly, and become a great story to tell at her wedding someday (yes, revenge is a b----).
Take care.

[fairmountgirl]

my best friend recently started dating the guy i like without telling me. she knew i liked him and so did he and somehow they thought that they were going to be able to pull the wool over my eyes. they might have except they started giving eachother that look and sitting together before school each morning so i ended up asking and the guy reluctantly told me. anyways, in the 2 or so weeks since then i've been almost trying not to like him, ya know, let her have her space but i've started feeling like i'm flirting with another one of my really good friends who is a girl which has been really confusing for me.

i think the thing to keep in mind here is that we're teenagers and sometimes we have trouble grasping the fact that we dont have complete control over our feelings and our hormones. i think my flirting with this girl may just be my way of overcompensating from the other situation.

hopefully that was helpful.