Is my son gay?

[Bri]

My son is 16 and has a girlfriend. We came home early from a get together with friends this past weekend and as I walked past the computer I noticed it was on and my son was in the bathroom. I looked at the screen and there was someone's cam on and a male masterbating on it live. There were invitations by others to view their cams. Our cam was on the floor and was on.

I asked my son what was going on and he finally broke down and started crying. My wife and I listened to his story that he was curious about sex because his friends were giving him a hard time because he admitted to them he was a virgin. They were calling him "gay". I looked through the computer and found that he had been looking at gay sites for a couple months now. About twice a month. We asked him if he was confused about his sexuality and asked if he thought he might be gay. He was very sure that he wasn't.

Now that I look back at all this I am not so sure of his answer, he never did explain why his cam was on and why he was in the bathroom. I just don't know what to do next. I told him we wouldn't talk about it anymore unless he wanted to or if he had any questions and that it would be our secret. He was worried that his older brother would find out. In the end he said he was relieved that we found out about this because he was having a lot of guilty feelings about this.

I need some advice.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
I worry about the possible level of emotional stress that your son may be under with this or with other issues with which he might be wrestling. The oversexed world we've plunked our brain-challenged kids into can be absolutely overwhelming. If he was my kid I'd get him to a good adolescent helper (mental health professional) ASAP. Tell him that there are some issues that are just too personal to involve your parents in, and this might be one of them. Explain that the shrink will share none of his thoughts with anyone else (including you) without his permission. Ask that he at least try a few sessions. I suspect that he'd find great relief in that, and could then begin to sort through his sexual questions in a more controlled, less pressured, and safer fashion. With all the craziness out there, the 'Net is not the place to do this.
Then stay close to him, but without asking him questions about his sexuality. Let him know that if ever he wants to chat, your ear is available to him 24/7, but let him see that you just like hanging out with him because he's a great kid, not a troubled one.
Beyond all else, reassure him that being gay or straight has nothing to do with your love for him, that you will always be there for him, and that he'll be OK.
Take care.