kkelli
06-08-2005, 07:34 PM
Hi Dr. Mike,
I posted a few months ago. We were in a real crisis situation with our then 14 yo daughter. Most of those issues have gotten much, much better. She's been seeing a therapist all along and also has been diagnosed with ADD (she asked for help). Since starting medication for that her grades have really improved. I think she also starting rethinking some other stuff she was doing. She's made a new group of friends (no boyfriends yet), has been playing softball, was nominated to a leadership camp. I'm really proud of her, and I let her know that often. The only problem there being that her new friends are mostly one year older and will be at the different campus next year. I think she is worried about that.
Some issues still exist though. She has a really bad temper that can get really out of control to the point that its scary. Her younger sister (12) is afraid sometimes and thinks she's crazy. It is an issue being addressed in therapy. My question is how to handle the swearing, throwing things, violence that happens in front of her sister. I can stay calm and consequences can come later, but her sister doesn't understand why she is "allowed" to behave this way. Sometimes she doesn't even remember what she said or did. I also recently brought it up to her psychiatrist. The swearing is a big issue. Today she had three strikes your out and lost use of the phone for 24 hours.
Second question is that in the last two weeks, her old "best girlfriend" who she got rid of is back on the scene and trying to convince her that she's changed. I told her that I can see she wants to trust this girl again, but that as a parent I am still skeptical. Today, for the first time she asked to do something with her (didn't I trust her?). We agreed I would take her to meet this girl in the afternoon to a local ice cream place. They were going to walk to this girl's house to go swimming and then I would pick my daughter up by 5:00. To make a long story short, when we got there, this girl was walking down the road with two 15 yo boys, we stopped, she said she was going to the boy's house to swim and did my daughter want to come along (unsupervised). I didn't say a word and my daughter said no (I was proud of her, she didn't even try to convince me). We left, she was mad, said she never wanted this girl to call her again. Well two hours later they are talking again (this girl is very, very good at lying), and now I'm the bad guy again because it was all just a misunderstanding. I know I can't forbid her from seeing this girl. How do I draw reasonable boundaries? This girl will be unsupervised most days all summer. I work at home and if I allow her here, they will probably just harrass or try to trick me into letting them do things I normally would say no to.
Thanks for all your help.
I posted a few months ago. We were in a real crisis situation with our then 14 yo daughter. Most of those issues have gotten much, much better. She's been seeing a therapist all along and also has been diagnosed with ADD (she asked for help). Since starting medication for that her grades have really improved. I think she also starting rethinking some other stuff she was doing. She's made a new group of friends (no boyfriends yet), has been playing softball, was nominated to a leadership camp. I'm really proud of her, and I let her know that often. The only problem there being that her new friends are mostly one year older and will be at the different campus next year. I think she is worried about that.
Some issues still exist though. She has a really bad temper that can get really out of control to the point that its scary. Her younger sister (12) is afraid sometimes and thinks she's crazy. It is an issue being addressed in therapy. My question is how to handle the swearing, throwing things, violence that happens in front of her sister. I can stay calm and consequences can come later, but her sister doesn't understand why she is "allowed" to behave this way. Sometimes she doesn't even remember what she said or did. I also recently brought it up to her psychiatrist. The swearing is a big issue. Today she had three strikes your out and lost use of the phone for 24 hours.
Second question is that in the last two weeks, her old "best girlfriend" who she got rid of is back on the scene and trying to convince her that she's changed. I told her that I can see she wants to trust this girl again, but that as a parent I am still skeptical. Today, for the first time she asked to do something with her (didn't I trust her?). We agreed I would take her to meet this girl in the afternoon to a local ice cream place. They were going to walk to this girl's house to go swimming and then I would pick my daughter up by 5:00. To make a long story short, when we got there, this girl was walking down the road with two 15 yo boys, we stopped, she said she was going to the boy's house to swim and did my daughter want to come along (unsupervised). I didn't say a word and my daughter said no (I was proud of her, she didn't even try to convince me). We left, she was mad, said she never wanted this girl to call her again. Well two hours later they are talking again (this girl is very, very good at lying), and now I'm the bad guy again because it was all just a misunderstanding. I know I can't forbid her from seeing this girl. How do I draw reasonable boundaries? This girl will be unsupervised most days all summer. I work at home and if I allow her here, they will probably just harrass or try to trick me into letting them do things I normally would say no to.
Thanks for all your help.