Thoughts about web journals

[MoMinTN]

Dr. Mike- what are your thoughts about the popularity among teens of web journals such as xanga, myspace, and livejournal? I have been aware that many middle school and high schoolers in our town use Xanga and I have seen a few that seem pretty harmless. But, I just found out my daughter has created an account on myspace (she did not tell me this). I looked at it and she has her age listed as 16 (she is 14). I do not feel this is like a private journal since it is out there on the internet for all to see. But, at the same time I feel as though I am spying on her if I read her entries and those of her friends. I just want her to be safe and opening up on the internet is somewhat of a concern to me. I would appreciate your thoughts and those of other parents who have experience with this. Thanks! Linda

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Linda,
In most instances those web sites are safe and fun places for kids to do some version of what most of us parents did in non-electronic ways---pretend that we are sort of someone else. These are some of the ways kids "test drive" being different people as a method of identity exploration and resolution.
But there are risks that you want to be sure that she is aware of, and safe from, such as identity theft and sexual predation.
I'd just have a casual conversation with her saying that you found her site and ask if it's OK with her to chat about it. The first issue might be how you found it, since if you are spying on her, you've got, as Ricky Ricardo said to Lucy, "Some 'splanin' to do." Remember that spying is a breach of trust that must be warranted.
If that's not an issue, find some positive things to say first about her page. Then ask if they had any classes at school about 'Net safety. If she has, ask her what she learned there. If not, ask if you can chat about those issues. Be sure to ask her if she'd rather that you not read her page. Again, if she's doing OK, respect her wishes for privacy. And resist that terrible urge to break your word.
Towards the end of the talk, you might ask what's up with ageing two extra years. But if there is no sexual provocation on her page, just write it off as the normal kind of teen craziness, like when a 16-year-old Doc Mike and his friend used to wear fake mustaches to try and get into jazz clubs.
Given the two choices, I suspect that your daughter's web page is a much safer identity voyage?
Peace,

[reelbuyer]

Hi! My boys have xangas and myspaces too. There is a rule for those forums that the user has to be 16. There are many younger kids, but they must register with a brithdate that says they are 16. I would imagine that is why she says she is. A lot of them say that they are younger in their profiles, but that seems to tbe the 15 year olds more than youngher ones.
Hope that helps
Beth