Thanks for such a great book!

[indiana]

Dr. Bradley,

I am the mom of an 11 year old girl and 13 year old boy. We were in the local library this summer and I was browsing the parenting section and found your book. I checked it out and finished it yesterday.

The dispassionate cop concept has been so helpful to me. Our 13 year old son has no major problems, but changes in his attitude and behavior had me stumped. He was such an outgoing boy and now he is still friendly but more introspective, touchy and sensitive. At first I thought, "what the heck is happening to him?" Now I know that the insanity in his brain has started, and I've relaxed and am taking it in stride.

I used to be more reactive, bu with the help of your book, I stay calm and engage my children much differently. And what a difference it has made in our interaction! Even if my son gets surly or some other behavior that seems to come out of left field, I respond dispassionately, but still caringly, and it's amazing how much he calms himself down. It's like a little spurt of crazy emotion that comes and goes in seconds.

I am returning your book to the library today, but am going to buy it for my husband. He has had to listen to me telling him how much I've learned from it, and now he wants to see what this is all about.

Thank you Mr. Bradley for being there just when I needed it (at the beginning of adolescence!) Are there anymore books planned?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear "Mom",
Thank you so much for your kind feedback. Coincidentally, it arrived at a great time for me as I am struggling to complete the third book (the second one is called YES, YOUR PARENTS ARE CRAZY! A Teen Survival Handbook).
The third book is a collection of inspirational/teaching stories of 20 teenage heroes of mine, kids who struggled with terrible problems. It is due out on September of 2006, if I make it across the finish line.
But your kind note pumped me up a bit to get back at it.
So, thank you!

[ARS]

THANKS! A huge one! For both books.

/The later is now "lying" in our toilets and has been started ... few weeks ago. Well, she'll read it, eventually, my 15 years old one .../

I wish to share with you that the first book of yours is the only one after Dr. Spock that really touched me and already decently help(ed) me out ... to loosen up as well. Briefly, the only one after so many years that I could completely tune into it. I'll reread it and - as it looks like - use it often nowadays ...

And what I extremely appreciate(ed) is the love that comes out of both - your love and respect for our kids. Amazing! Le chapeau! As well as your straightforwardness and honesty. We, parents, need to be reminded how we can easily and without major reflection turn into complete jerks. Among other stuff, of course.

I keep repeating to my princess that I couldn't have wished for a better kid, and I honestly mean it each time. But as a single mom, wow, the challenges of teen years aren't that easily faced/solved indeed. So far so good, but now I feel much more ready to face them if/when they'll bombard me stronger ...

Thanks!

Wish you all the finest,
Bisou,
Aida
/aka ARS/

PS: All I really missed in your book was more on single parenting and its traps that you came across (I divorced when she was three, and I'm single ever since (not by choice)).

[ARS]

Dear dr. Mike,

Your "Extraordinary Stories of Ordinary Teens" triggered bunch of feelings and thinking inside of me, it made me smile and cry a lot as well. But they made me proud of our teens even more, of their (daily) heroism we’re so seldom aware of; because we’re too wounded ourselves, too judgmental, or too blind to acknowledge it.

Thank you for your extensive insight into 20 heroic teen lives, for their sharing as well as yours. And I wish that this and similar sharing would make us all stronger in order to better and faster cope with our struggles, our (distort) self image, our rights, wrongs and doubts, as well as enable us to overcome lack of love inside of us that most probably triggers most of what we sincerely don’t wish to give or/and receive into our lives; equally right for teens and adults, much burdening on both, but can be so much more disastrous for teens than for us. We all need healing…

Those stories, through your unconditional love for kids and challenging words to parents/adults, brought out the sides of my parenting up that I wish would have never occurred or happened… But also the ones I am proud of, especially the overall picture of our story that frames a great teenager (of 16 years now) and her “for-ever-single” mom. There are some things I’ve done right for sure, but as I keep reminding me that there is always more that I can do and be a better person and a role model, and as I don’t pretend to be able to be a perfect parent…

Reading the last story in your book, I cried my eyes out. Among others, it bluntly brought out all my hunger that is still not nurtured. It reminded me that there are still longings and famine that I’ve not managed to feed. It friendly reminded me that life arranges most of the challenging “lessons” for me in order to bring me closer to myself and nurture the wounded child within. The child that has almost never felt the sincere and unconditional love and experienced its deeds, never heard praise and felt so needed support.

It reminded me that my most important duty in life is to “feed” me, unconditionally love myself first. And all the juggling to obtain/reach that, to bring it to my life and live, enables me becoming more and more the kind of a parent that I wish my kid would have.

And in the meantime, I only wish not to become that one too late … and make a “fatal” mistake when parenting this great teen I’m fortunate to still have around. She triggers the best out of me, but - as we’re living alone - also the worst. And she’s facing that kind of mom on a daily basis. I wish her all the strength and wisdom to cope with both, “good and bad” versions of her mom, self and others in a way that she’ll become the adult knowing how and be willing to cope with lack of… whatever.

Good luck to both of us… and to all of you.

Thank you, dr. Mike!

Love,
ARS

Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right.