stuck and disconnected

[mari]

Dr. Bradley, my son (18 yrs.old) has been arrested 5 times. He has been given many chances by the court to turn himself around but he continues to leap before thinking about his actions. He knows whats right and wrong but feels the thrill of his actions outweighs the consequences. Although his intent was never to hurt anyone (he never has) it is always too late. He cannot sustain any real relationships. Many teachers and friends have walked away because he won't allow himself to be vulnerable and accept that he is human, not perfect. His perception of others keeps him from feeling loved. I know he is fearful and angry. He lives with 2 parents, has 2 siblings and an extended family that has extended themselves over and over again. He has seen therapists, gone to boot camp, privileges taken away, been hypnotized and still resists others help. I have read both your books, half way through 2nd one, and I have been dispassionate, loving, firm, communicated endlessly and still cannot help him understand what the life of a criminal will be like if he doesn't change. We love him so much and don't want to lose him to drugs, which I know will happen if he keeps slipping into despair. Please any new approach to try? Advice? Thanks so much!!!!

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
When your son's says that the impulsive thrill of his acting out behaviors is irresistible it makes me wonder if some undiagnosed disorder is running things in his head. Things like one form of bipolar disorder or subtle forms of depression can lead to these behaviors since risk-taking is one way of adjusting adolescent brain chemistry.
Given that, I hate to tell you to try again what hasn't worked in the past, but your best option is getting him hooked up with a shrink he trusts who can convince your son to perhaps try some meds. In addition to that, keep on the dispassionate and loving path you are on with him to try and keep a lifeline tied around his heart until he figures out how to beat his demons. Now is NOT the time to quit. At this age as his teen brain re-wiring finishes up, he may suddenly be able to achieve insights and self-control never before possible. Perhaps show him this note and asks what he thinks.
Hang in there and keep us posted.