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determined
02-22-2006, 05:17 PM
I’ve read your book and love your approach to relating to teens. My husband and I are the parents of a 15 1/2 year old daughter, an only child who is bright, talented, and full of potential. Altough she was not a difficult child (we never had the "terrible 2's") she has always been strong willed and stubborn. She was diagnosed with strong ADD tendancies when she was 8 years old. Your philosophy has many wonderful ideas and suggestions on handling difficult adolescents, but I am afraid that more immediate action needs to be taken - not only with my daughter, but with my husband and I, as parents. Our relationship is not "broken" yet, although it is stretched pretty thin. We want to do everything in our power to slow down the train before it crashes. Although she has had a little bit of counseling about the ADD issue, we are looking for counseling to help with the adolescent issues, and hopefully help her work her way into a productive and happy adulthood. We’re wondering if you have a referral list of counselors who share your approach, who are located in the Fairfax, Virginia area. Any names or suggestions from others would also be appreciated.

Mike Bradley
02-22-2006, 07:00 PM
Dear Determined,
The fact is that most (maybe all) teen issues are family issues that impact upon everyone, and in rough times can begin to crack even the best of marriages. So, yes, proceed as quickly as you can to someone who can work with the whole family, someone who has a specialty with adolescents.
Ask everyone around you who works with teens (to include parents of teens) who might be good in your area. I don't personally know anyone in Fairfax, but since you've got teens there then you've also got some good therapists there.
Until you get to the shrink, start dating your spouse. Try and listen to each other and then talk of how THE OTHER'S point of view makes sense. Stop arguing about who's right, and start remembering that you guys likely love each other, and will be hanging out together long after your teen crisis becomes a bittersweet old memory (one that your then-thirty-year-old-ex-teenager will deny ever happened).
Hang in there.
ATTN OTHER FAIRFAX PARENTS: Any recommendations for Determined?