PDA

View Full Version : Jewish teens and drinking


ealexander
03-10-2006, 08:11 PM
Hello Dr. Bradley,

My name is Ela Alexander and I have been to your forum in Crystal Springs School Hillsborough CA a few weeks ago.
I am a teacher in a private Jewish Day School and have a 14 year old son. Since the school is K to 8th grade there were many 6th, 7th and 8th grade parents also at the forum but I was the only educator from the school.

After your forum I returned to the school and spoke to the other teachers and to some administrators. I told them what I learned about teens and alcohol. I also shared what you said (or at least my interpretation of what you said) that it is impossible to teach a teenager how to drink responsibly.
The response was different than I expected. The other teachers (all Jewish Americans) said that this is not the case in their house. Some refered to their children and some refered to their own teenage years growing up in a Jewish home.

This prompted me to ask you: What do you think are the effects of growing up in a culture/religion where alcohol plays such a big part?

For Jewish people it is a Miztvah (Commandment) to drink wine. Why it is part of the rituals of Shabbat (during the beginning, middle and the end of Shabbat). It is also a part of every Jewish holiday. In Passover for example we are told to drink 4 cups of wine. On Purim, another Jewish holiday, observant Jews are told to drink until they can't recognize each other.

To make matters worse do you know what, according to Jewish religion, is the legal drinking age? 13 if you're a boy and 12 if you're a girl for as per Jewish law a 13 year old boy has a Bar Mitzvah and is considered an adult! That is also when he or she recieves his or her Kiddush Cup (traditional wine cup used for performing Jewish rituals).

So you see, for us Jews there is no other alternative. We have to 'teach' our children how to drink responsibly. How can I help my students and my son obey Jewish law without drinking themselves silly?

Perplexed and worried,
Ela Alexander

Mike Bradley
03-12-2006, 08:52 PM
Dear Ela,
I'm afraid that your question is way out of my field of expertise, and far beyond my wisdom. Yes, I am strongly opposed to teen drinking for its neurological impact on "soft" teen brains. And further, as we are now seeing in Europe, the concept of "teaching" kids how to drink is a fallacy, since these kids who were given alcohol since birth are now binge drinking just like in countries where alcohol is not routinely provided to children.
That said, I am not qualified to give you an opinion as to how to resolve this as a religious issue. Judaism seems so much more than a religion in my limited understanding of it. It appears to be more an entire way of life, an age-old heritage of belief and a priceless tapestry of traditions which helped an entire culture to somehow survive incomprehensible evil. I am in no position to comment upon the trade-offs involved here. I'll leave that to you and to your much wiser religious authorities. Perhaps some other Jewish parents might care to comment here?
Be well.

ealexander
03-12-2006, 10:29 PM
Hello Doc Bradley,
Wow, that was fast. Thank you for your reply and also, thanks for your honesty. I guess I'll have to put my trust in the higher power. I'm not a very religious person but teaching in a religious school does has it's affects. Hopefully, this will not become an issue for my son. There are plenty of non alcoholics amongst us Jews. Take me for example, I rarley drink yet my husband does enough for the two of us. I grew up in Israel, he grew up here. Go figure.
Ela

myteen_1
08-02-2006, 12:24 PM
Originally posted by ealexander
Hello Doc Bradley,
Wow, that was fast. Thank you for your reply and also, thanks for your honesty. I guess I'll have to put my trust in the higher power. I'm not a very religious person but teaching in a religious school does has it's affects. Hopefully, this will not become an issue for my son. There are plenty of non alcoholics amongst us Jews. Take me for example, I rarley drink yet my husband does enough for the two of us. I grew up in Israel, he grew up here. Go figure.
Ela

Hello,

This is a very good point; because these issues have been debated for a very long time. I think regardless of what ethnicity you are, it all has to do with just how you grew up and that is the bottom line. If you were exposed to that type of thing when you were younger, that might be the way you turn out... Just a thought.

Thanks Everyone,

______________
http://www.10-free-ring-tones.com

teacherparent
12-23-2006, 09:03 AM
Hi all,

I so appreciate Dr. Bradley's honesty when dealing with the topic of Jewish culture and drinking.

I am from NY and have a 15 year old daughter who attended day school until 6th grade. Many of her friends were in day school as well. There is a sense among Jewish parents that "their kids" won't go there..an elitist attitude I may add. I also see it as part of the catholic school mentality, the feeling that by keeping their kids insulated that they won't have those problems like the other ones...

Yet, I see just as much experimentation/use as in the secular schools.

I also have experience with the Israeli/American experience. There is no doubt that the parenting concepts are completing different.

googie1262
12-25-2006, 09:05 PM
HI all and Happy Holidays,

As a parent of a 15 year old, raising a jewish teen is just as complicated as any other. It seems every culture has it's challenges, yes?
There is no doubt that alchohol is an innate part of our culture. I also find that parenting styles of Israelis' and Americans are quite different. I am divorced from a Sephardic Israeli and I am Ashkenazi American. For the person who wrote this post I'm sure you understand where I am coming from.
In addition, my boyfriend and I have been in commited relationship for years. He is of Puerto Rican descent....(I am from NY metro area ...diversity is the name of the game:)If you think alcohol and judiasm are connected, imagine spanish culture. My boyfriend has been sober for almost 20 years..but family events by him are filled with booze. So it is very hard to get away from.

Thanksfully our family has a very responsible relationship with alcohol, but the drive in the teenage world is overwhelming, no matter what culture you are from. We just have to keep pushing and modelling the best values we can.

Gwen