Kay258
05-02-2006, 03:40 PM
My 22-year-old ADHD daughter created a lot of trouble in our household when she was in high school. She repeatedly ran away from home, got involved with alcohol and drugs, supplied her younger brother with cigarettes and pot, and failed many classes due to non-attendance. Her saving grace was that she is so smart that her earlier excellent grades overcame her senior year failings.
At the time, I hadn't read your book and did my best to apply "tough love." (I gave her the choice of moving out or quitting drugs.) It not only didn't work (she chose drugs), but further alienated us. Our relationship thoroughly disintegrated.
Just over two years ago, she moved back home and quickly failed another semester in college. Last fall she went back to college, and this time she's serious about it.
Our problem is that our relationship seems to be beyond repair. She is as sweet as can be imagined to other people. She is kind, warm-hearted and gentle with everyone but her dad and I. (We separated four years ago and divorced two years ago, but our relationship is amicable.) She altogether ignores her dad (won’t return his phone calls) and rages at me. She cusses at me if I happen to be in the kitchen when she comes home or if I walk through the living room while she is watching tv. She cannot stand to be in the same room with me and never misses an opportunity to cuss at me.
She rages at me if I don’t buy the specific foods that she wants, even if she didn’t tell me she wanted them. In other words, she rages if I don’t read her mind.
When I try to talk to her, whether about something serious, something "chatty" or something benign, she tells me to shut up. If I continue to talk, she talks over me, eventually yelling over me so as not to hear what I have to say. She yells “shut up, shut up” repeatedly to avoid hearing me.
I have both asked her and told her to be polite or find another place to live, but she doesn’t change. She is forcing me to force the issue. I would have to throw her things in the street and change the locks to get her out of the house. That would be traumatic for all of us.
I read your book a few years ago and have been trying to apply the principles. Our situation slowly improved, but now seems to be permanently plateaued. She refuses to treat me with even a minimal amount of respect.
What is the best way to handle this? I prefer her to live at home and continue with college. All I’m asking is that she be respectful and considerate. I would like her to dust or vacuum the house each week, and I want her to talk to me – to share things with me. How do I get there from here?
At the time, I hadn't read your book and did my best to apply "tough love." (I gave her the choice of moving out or quitting drugs.) It not only didn't work (she chose drugs), but further alienated us. Our relationship thoroughly disintegrated.
Just over two years ago, she moved back home and quickly failed another semester in college. Last fall she went back to college, and this time she's serious about it.
Our problem is that our relationship seems to be beyond repair. She is as sweet as can be imagined to other people. She is kind, warm-hearted and gentle with everyone but her dad and I. (We separated four years ago and divorced two years ago, but our relationship is amicable.) She altogether ignores her dad (won’t return his phone calls) and rages at me. She cusses at me if I happen to be in the kitchen when she comes home or if I walk through the living room while she is watching tv. She cannot stand to be in the same room with me and never misses an opportunity to cuss at me.
She rages at me if I don’t buy the specific foods that she wants, even if she didn’t tell me she wanted them. In other words, she rages if I don’t read her mind.
When I try to talk to her, whether about something serious, something "chatty" or something benign, she tells me to shut up. If I continue to talk, she talks over me, eventually yelling over me so as not to hear what I have to say. She yells “shut up, shut up” repeatedly to avoid hearing me.
I have both asked her and told her to be polite or find another place to live, but she doesn’t change. She is forcing me to force the issue. I would have to throw her things in the street and change the locks to get her out of the house. That would be traumatic for all of us.
I read your book a few years ago and have been trying to apply the principles. Our situation slowly improved, but now seems to be permanently plateaued. She refuses to treat me with even a minimal amount of respect.
What is the best way to handle this? I prefer her to live at home and continue with college. All I’m asking is that she be respectful and considerate. I would like her to dust or vacuum the house each week, and I want her to talk to me – to share things with me. How do I get there from here?