cross dressing

[cat64]

I found a pair of girls jeans and thong underwear in my 15 yr. old son's drawer. I have not said anything to him. They look like he has been wearing them and hiding them in the drawer.
I know for sure they do not belong to any girl he has been sneaking home, no chance of that. Last year, I found some of his old brief style underwear that he had cut up to resemble thong underwear, and I threw them away without saying anything.
Why is he doing this? Sexual gratification? Stress? This is what I have read, but then what do I do? Leave him alone without saying anything? or confront him?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
The odds are that this is some type of harmless, solitary sexual experimentation which has become increasingly common in this hyper-sexualized culture which we adults have created around our brain-challenged teens. The pounding these kids take 24/7 from the non-stop, over-the-edge sexual messages of their world is something that most of us adults did not have to deal with. So parents may see teen behaviors today that they might not have even imagined 30 years ago. There actually is now a style of dress where boys wear girl's clothes.

That said, there is also the chance that your son is struggling with a more serious sexual issue that should be examined. I'm afraid that the best course here is to talk with him. Tell him that the experts say that most kids do some sexual experimentation and that while this behavior might be embarrassing, it is also very normal and harmless. Then simply tell him what you have found, and ask him to ask himself what these clothes mean. DO NOT INSIST ON AN ANSWER FROM HIM. Instead, ask him to think this over and let you know if he would like to talk with either you or some other helper (physician or counselor) about his situation.

Most of all, reassure him that you love him no matter what may or may not be going on. Give him a hug (if he'll allow) and remind him of how proud you are of him, and how hard it must be to navigate this crazy world around him.

Please keep us posted.

[cat64]

Thanks, Dr. Mike.
I just talked to him, and it was ok. I told him he wasn't in trouble, but that I was concerned. I mentioned what you said, about sexual experimentation, and about talking about it, and I said he did not have to answer me, but to think about why he had them in his drawer. He was embarrassed, but did not get upset. And I did give him a hug, and told him that I loved him, and that I hoped he already knew that. I almost think the hug embarrassed him the most.