Son won't come home

[optimistic]

I am a mother of a two kids. The older child, my son, graduated last year from high school. He was offered a full scholar ship at a good college located on the west coast. We live on the east coast. my son joined this college and is doing well. Obviously, I am a proud mom. But at the same time I am heart broken too.
My son was not a happy kid when he was living at home. he had conflicts with us on some issues. When my son was 15 years old, my husband stopped speaking with him after my son refused to practice our religious values. the same was repeated the next year. My husband somewhat has a controlling nature. my son developed the feelings of hatered toward his parents. now he is gone for a year, does not call. he came to our town over the break but did come to visit us or didn't even call us. We do not even know where he does he stay. (at the present, he is here for the summer break) He has a female friend who makes arrangements fro his living place. I am so saddened by this and do not know how can I change his feelings to ward us. I try to reach out but nothing seems to work. please Dr. Bradely give me some advise. thanks. ( my husband I have different philosophies). I do not know what to do or who should I turn to.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
What a terribly sad story. It must feel as if things will never change since you have two incredibly stubborn men in your life; however, even hard-headed males change sometimes.
That is why you must never stop doing what you've already tried, namely outreaching to both of these guys. Keep saying that you love them both and that if they care about your broken heart, that they will agree to meet in a counselor's office to try and work things through.
Ask them to commit to three sessions. When they say no, ask them what they are afraid of. When they yell, "Nothing!" then ask them to waste 3 hours of their time for your sake. With some luck, you might find that underneath the macho stuff, they both carry great sadness about this terrible loss, and they might be ready to work at some reconciliation.
Please let us know how things work out.
ATTENTION OTHER MOMS: Any other ideas for this mother?