divorce/alcoholism - genetic

[Susie]

Dr. Mike,

In the past 8 years my kids have been through a divorce, dealing with their fathers alcoholism, relocated and I have remarried. After saying that, I am happy to say I have two wonderfully well adjusted kids (daughter 10, son 12 1/2) The only problems we have are normal - moodiness, trying to argue, trying not to listen, etc. My only major worry that haunts me every day is what % of alcoholism is genetic. It runs on my ex's side and there is some on my side of the family as well. My husband and I set a good example for the kids and they have a very loving relationship with their father. They see him every weekend for a day and he comes to their sporting events. I am just terrified that my bright, beautiful children are going to be plagued with this disease. Any thoughts from you or other parents? Thanks, Susie

[Wyoming]

Your situation sounds exactly like mine, even the time frame! I often find myself wondering if either of my sons will have addictive personalities due to alcoholism on their father's side of the family. I answer myself by saying that, when I do all my "legwork" that I know how to do, that IS all that I can do. "Legwork" being to show by example, never speak negatively about the boy's father or step mother, and show how much we care about each son individually. I'm not in denial because I know it could happen, but hasn't and if i did happen, it will not be my fault. I will have done my best as a parent.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Susie,
Yes, there definitely is a genetic aspect to addiction. However, that factor by no means decides if your kids will become addicts. Addiction appears to be a complex disorder with many factors contributing towards it. While Alcoholics Anonymous folks see addiction as a specific disease, many (and perhaps most) psychologists don't actually recognize addiction as a primary disease. Instead they see it as a symptom of other problems in life.
I believe that the genetic aspect has to do with the way drugs affect certain people. Addicts seem to have a more profound reaction to drugs, and their brains may create "receptor sites" more quickly which then crave those drugs more intensely than non-addicts.
However, I also believe that the most powerful determinants of adolescent addiction have to do with things like family stability, connections with adults, self-esteem and general life happiness.
All of which is a long way to say that if you feel that your kids are doing OK, if you feel connected to them and see them as reasonably happy, then the odds are very low that the monster of addiction will appear in your home. If you have concerns about a child's well being, having addiction in the family just gives you an even better reason to get some help quickly.
Ironically, your own kids might be even safer because of their contacts with dad. They can see first hand the terrible costs of addiction while being able to return to your loving, stable home. That insight can take a lot of the romance out of drinking.
I hope this helps. We have the same worries in our family with addict grandparents. We must all just love the heck out of our kids and hope for the best.
Be well,
Mike Bradley