Esprit
06-24-2006, 01:12 PM
Dr. Bradley,
I am a new parent to the forum and hope that it is appropriate to post this question here.
I just finished reading you book "Yes, Your Teen in Crazy" and found it exceedingly helpful.
My son is 18 and will be leaving for college in August. He saved all of his difficult behavior for his 18th year which culminated in a near fatal unintentional overdose of Datura over Thanksgiving weekend and 3 days in ICU.
Since that experience he has made lots of good choices: changed alot of his friends, stopped experimenting with "weed" and accepted the limitations that became necessary following this terrible incident.
However, there are other areas in which he has quite a way to go. He used therapy appropriately at first following the OD, but I felt that he stopped to soon. He spent the rest of senior year with extreme senioritis, was suspended for taking his car of campus, lost his school parking privileges, started to fail some classes. He did, though pull it together to graduate, albeit by the skin of his teeth and is very proud of his ability to "handle it himself". He is holding down a job in a very responsible way, does volunteer work regularly and is eagerly looking forward to college. It all sounds great, accept that he continues to make decisions that are dangerous and is untruthful with us on a regular basis. I recently found pictures from a few weeks ago of his car loaded with bottles of hard liquer. My husband and I really trusted that he would not endanger himself or others with his car. Currently he is away in Key West with a friend and their family and we are determining what to do re: his car driving when he returns. I find that this is all made MUCH more difficult in light of his being 18. However, we own the car and pay the insurance on it. He did agree to seeing his therapist again around the time that the drinking/driving occured and was declared to be "healthy".
He is a very charismatic, gifted ed. kid, amazing at negotiating, lots and lots of friends, outgoing, energetic. One of those kids you meet and think "WOW" he has quite a future!
I'm very proud of him and of the job we've done with him. My husband and I are both psych. social workers. THe approaches we have used are all what you delineated in your book. We have always allowed him choice, negotiation, supported his searches for self, went thru the phases with not much trouble.
So of course there is a big why as to this endangerment...one incident of alchohol in his car could change his entire future or cost his life. After almost losing it in Nov. I just can't understand the risk-taking in an otherwise levelheading seeming kid.
All of these behaviors began following a month in China teaching ESL in a small village. When he returned he suffered a break-up with a girlfriend who he couldn't wait to get back to and the loss of all of his best friends who left for college. It was for sure a tough time. I understand all of that and I guess I just have a really hard time with the ongoing quality of it.
Most importantly, I don't feel sure that he is safe.
Since we live in surburban Phila., I wondered if you take new patients, or would consider assessing him on a short term basis prior to his leaving for college in August.
thanks for your time,
Karen
I am a new parent to the forum and hope that it is appropriate to post this question here.
I just finished reading you book "Yes, Your Teen in Crazy" and found it exceedingly helpful.
My son is 18 and will be leaving for college in August. He saved all of his difficult behavior for his 18th year which culminated in a near fatal unintentional overdose of Datura over Thanksgiving weekend and 3 days in ICU.
Since that experience he has made lots of good choices: changed alot of his friends, stopped experimenting with "weed" and accepted the limitations that became necessary following this terrible incident.
However, there are other areas in which he has quite a way to go. He used therapy appropriately at first following the OD, but I felt that he stopped to soon. He spent the rest of senior year with extreme senioritis, was suspended for taking his car of campus, lost his school parking privileges, started to fail some classes. He did, though pull it together to graduate, albeit by the skin of his teeth and is very proud of his ability to "handle it himself". He is holding down a job in a very responsible way, does volunteer work regularly and is eagerly looking forward to college. It all sounds great, accept that he continues to make decisions that are dangerous and is untruthful with us on a regular basis. I recently found pictures from a few weeks ago of his car loaded with bottles of hard liquer. My husband and I really trusted that he would not endanger himself or others with his car. Currently he is away in Key West with a friend and their family and we are determining what to do re: his car driving when he returns. I find that this is all made MUCH more difficult in light of his being 18. However, we own the car and pay the insurance on it. He did agree to seeing his therapist again around the time that the drinking/driving occured and was declared to be "healthy".
He is a very charismatic, gifted ed. kid, amazing at negotiating, lots and lots of friends, outgoing, energetic. One of those kids you meet and think "WOW" he has quite a future!
I'm very proud of him and of the job we've done with him. My husband and I are both psych. social workers. THe approaches we have used are all what you delineated in your book. We have always allowed him choice, negotiation, supported his searches for self, went thru the phases with not much trouble.
So of course there is a big why as to this endangerment...one incident of alchohol in his car could change his entire future or cost his life. After almost losing it in Nov. I just can't understand the risk-taking in an otherwise levelheading seeming kid.
All of these behaviors began following a month in China teaching ESL in a small village. When he returned he suffered a break-up with a girlfriend who he couldn't wait to get back to and the loss of all of his best friends who left for college. It was for sure a tough time. I understand all of that and I guess I just have a really hard time with the ongoing quality of it.
Most importantly, I don't feel sure that he is safe.
Since we live in surburban Phila., I wondered if you take new patients, or would consider assessing him on a short term basis prior to his leaving for college in August.
thanks for your time,
Karen