P.U. by police for drinking

[WMAQ]

Our 16 year old daughter called at 2:00 am to have us pick her up at a local school. She and 4 friends were caught by the police drinking and out past curfew. She was staying over at a friends. All the typical details. At least she left the car at her friends.

Two weeks ago we became suspicious that she was using alcohol. We confronted her and she told us absolutely not. "Pleae, don't think I'm drinking" were her exact words.

Now she has a court date and fine.

We will remove all alcohol from the house. We drink maybe twice a year, but I am determined that there will be no more drinking in our house. I talked with our daughter about three weeks ago about how dangerous alcohol is for her and how it is often the beginning of more severe drug use/ We had a "good talk", she agreed, told me she can't understand how anyone would like it. She was already drinking at the time.

We have had trust issues before. Dr, Bradley, I used your words saying trust is not something you can just fix, it has to be earned back. Where do we go from here?

Obviously, the car is gone, and we are keeping her at home. She is having school issues too.

How do you turn them around from this path and get them going down the right one?

I'm exhausted and pessimistic right now. Is there a way to turn this around?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
I'm sorry to say this, but parental talking and modeling are only parts of how most teens learn about drugs (alcohol is a drug, and a nasty one at that). For the vast majority of kids, another learning part is experimentation. I tell you that not so you should ever think it's OK for your kid to use, for it is not OK, and you must maintain a zero-tolerance policy with clear, pre-defined consequences for use (such as loss of car privileges, and so on).
However, try and not get too upset when she does this stuff. To many teens, lying is just a good way to keep parents from getting upset. They often do not yet understand the true meaning of trust.
You must keep your line of communication open to her heart so that you can have the greatest impact upon her future decisions. Always give her clear paths of ways to regain her privileges by showing responsible behavior.
If her behavior and school work do not improve, it's time to see a helper to find out if there is a more serious issue hiding out here. But in the meantime, know that your pain and frustration are just part of the "parenting gig." By the way, those are feelings that you should calmly communicate to your girl so that she can learn about things even more important than avoidance of drugs. This crisis can help her learn about love, tolerance, and patience.
Hang in there.