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googie1262
01-02-2007, 06:05 AM
The New Year came in with a bang, and I am not sure if I did the right thing. I could really use your thoughts on this Dr. Bradley.

You can see my thread for drugs and alchohol. 15 and a half year old girs, very connected to Me, excellent student..etc...etc..has been dabbling in the pot and alchohol thing. Used all of your techniques, and decided that following a mess where she called me to pick her up (drunk and sick), I have always told her to call me no matter what), I am going to the next phase of restrictions, supports..etc..Part of this phase also included filling her father in, which I am afraid has become a disasteriouse mistake.

My daughter's father is emotionally unstable best, and took this information with total insanity. It started with berating me for not telling him about the first time....threatening chiild support, to showing up at me and my boyfriend's house (we have owned the house together for years, and he is very available to my daughter). He attempted to enter the house, was on our property, and my boyfriend and him almost came to blows. I called the police and made a report, he was outside, screaminmg ranting in front of our neighbors. He hasn't lost it like this in a long time, but I have a feeling something is wrong at home..(wife, money, etc), and this is how it coming out. He is more outrageous than I have seen him in years. He said horrible things to my daughter like , I don't love you, you will never see your little sister again because you are a drug addict, I'll break your legs...e.tc..etc...etc...just went crazy. She is devastated, on time of already being embarrassed and disgusted with her behavior from New Years.

My question for you is probably for next time. I am already seeking professional help as needed, and believe that my daughter will be ok, but am I obligated to tell such a nut case about these things? It just makes it so much worse with her.,this is sure to put her in a downward spiral on many accounts.

Mike Bradley
01-02-2007, 07:32 PM
Dear Mom,
There are two levels of considerations here. The first should be addressed to an attorney to see what legal obligations you have in terms of informing your ex about your daughter's behavior. If you decide to not inform in violation of some court order or agreement, you might be opening yourself up to nasty legal consequences. You might also explore the option of asking for a protection order to prevent Dad from terrifying everyone again.

The second level of concern has to do with your daughter's welfare, and that is likely best decided by you and her together with the counselor. From your description of this father, perhaps any communication with him should occur only in some controlled environment such as at a police station or in the shrink's office. Keep in mind that giving this man controlled "doses" of information about your daughter's behaviors might prevent future explosions where he finds out after the fact that things had been hidden from him.

Beyond all else be sure that your girl connects with a good therapist who can help her to deal with her pain about Dad. He might be a crazy SOB but, ironically, she will still love him and terribly miss the father he was supposed to have been.