Trust vs. Freedom -- NEED HELP!!

[angeconway]

My son will be 17 in two months' time. I booked a week of skiing at a ski resort, for one week of the upcoming March break, mainly for him, as I am not a good skier. I don't know whether or not I can trust him to go away for a week without me being present.(Although he is at boarding school, he has never taken a vacation without a parent accompanying him). I told him I realise he would not want to spend a whole week skiing just with me, so I
said he could take a friend along, as long as I approved of them, and I vetoed any females sharing the accommodation.

I still have to decide whether or not I am going to accompany him on this trip. Dr. Bradley seems to encourage us to give our kids the opportunity to honor our trust, but in the section about supervision, he says "A weekend without adults somewhere
in the vicinity is not a safe exploration - that's walking a wire without the net". So do I tell my son I am trusting him to act responsibly, and let him go with his friend (who is a couple of years older and has a car), or do I tag along and keep an eye on them? Or should I tell them I'm going to 'drop in' later in the week, but not tell them when? Will they do any skiing, or just party all week...? Your advice would be appreciated.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Angie,
Sorry, but you'll have to make this call yourself. This is why you get paid those big bucks to be a parent---to wrestle with these sleep-disrupting decisions.
You alone have to do this this because you alone know the most about your kid. As a rule, I'd worry about any 17-year-old left alone for a week. Many parents tell me that they have 17-year-olds that they trust implicitly. I respond by saying that it's often not the kid but the situation that causes the problem. Perhaps this can be a "growth" experience for your son, but it could also be a mess. It all depends upon your son, his companion, and the luck of the draw. I know that he might be on his own at college in a year, but there is some (albeit minimal) oversight for most college students.
If pressed, I'd have to recommend going with him, but giving him lots a roaming space once there.
Sorry I can't be any more helpful. Your dilemma is a great example of why parenting teens is so hard to do. So many of our decisions are so complex, convoluted, and scary that they make Middle East politics seem simple by comparison.
Good luck, and please write to let us know how things turn out.