stepdaughter carrying knife when visiting home

[Momofsix]

I have a fourteen yr old step daughter who has become a nightmare for all who come into contact with her. She is now in alternative school for her teacher's not being able to control her. She has been suspended from the bus for fighting. Over the last three years, she has cut my couch, my curtains, broke lamps and light fixtures, hits our other children, bullies them, etc. She has been in therapy with two different councelors. Bi-polar disorder and ADD/ADHD, etc., have been ruled out. Each one has said she knows what she is doing and is manipulating situations to fit whatever she wants at the time. These sessions were three years apart. Incidentally, she was thrown out of two daycares at the age of two. On one occasion she was so bad her mother did not make it home before having to pick her up. Her mother is having just as many problems as the school and my husband and I. My concern is, she brought a knife in her pocketbook last visit, she is a violent child and threatens to hit, says things like "I wish you would die", etc. Her behavior is escalating and I am afraid of what she is going to do to one of my children. We have 4 children and my husband has two by a previous marriage. I feel it is best that she not be in our home, especially without outside help to supervise. My biggest fear is what she will do to one of us while we are sleeping. What is your advice? I don't know what to do.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
If your assessment of this girl is correct then I would find it very hard to believe that there is no psychiatric disorder. Kids at age two are not capable of "knowing what they are doing" and of "manipulating" to that degree. There is some longstanding disorder(s) here that has not yet been diagnosed. If this girl does not get proper treatment soon, the odds are poor that she will ever recover. As horrible as her behavior is, you must see it as an expression of terrible pain on her part. Living like that is not fun for her.

I would call for a conference at her school to include everyone involved in this kid's life to see what can be done, and quickly. In the interim, you and your husband need to meet with this girl's counselor to decide what the risk potential is for your younger children, and what steps you need to take to protect them.

Please keep us posted.

[Momofsix]

Thank you for your reply. I spoke with a former school counselor today who put me in touch with juevenile services. There are some intervention programs available. I have given the information to her father. She is no longer in private counseling, in both incidents (two seperate counselors) they said they could not help. I personally feel this may be bipolar disorder. Her grandmother is bipolar and the behaviors are so similar. Her mother even had that addressed and the counselor said no. Today, after talking with everyone, it seems it would be best not to have her in the home. I am talking with her father tonight about arranging to spend time with her one on one weekly until some of this can be resolved. She needs the time with him, he is very good for her. I bought your book today, I am hoping it will help shed some light on what we are dealing with. Thank You!