Wanted: Female role model

[PaulT]

The unthinkable has happened to my lovely little girl. I've been a single dad for about 9 years since my wife died while giving birth to our second child, who also didn't make it thorough the delivery.

I've managed pretty well with Dierdre, but now she's not daddy's little girl, and she's not a tomboy anymore either. I think she needs a grown up female in her life, because there are suddenly things she won't talk to me about. I'm really afraid that she's experimenting with drugs and sex, but anytime I try to talk about anything more serious than her school work, she tells me to just leave it alone.

I'm ready to give up, but feel like I should atleast try to get her together with a good female role model who she might talk to. Any suggestions how I can find one of those?

[MK Wil]

Dear Paul T:

I would most likely find an activity that your daughter enjoys where there is apt to be a healthy role model for her in an environment she is interested in.

Do you have a female family member (cousin, aunt, grandmother) that she could visit on her own? A weekend visit is a good idea.

Or, a friend of the family where the mother is a strong role model; staying with that family for a weekend--

My daughter has strong bonds with her female coaches in soccer. They are approx 10 yrs older than she is.

Some ideas: take-your-daughter-to work day in the month of April where she can meet your female co-workers.

I know I had very healthy relationships with both my grandmothers. Even if the young person is into other things, a grandparent is often a good listener, and gives guidance.

Also, even being very open and honest with your daughter can help. Part of this is re-acknowledging that it is and can be a tough situation that she doesn't have a mother in the home, and being open with her that you are doing and trying your best to be a good parent, that you love her. Even if she is non-responsive to this---she will hear it and appreciate it!

[Stressedmum]

PaulT

What about church??? Its not everyones cup of tea but it helps some. My son was really scared of people after my split from his father (during our relationship his dad was very abusive predominately verbally - buts hes fine now we are separated). I found taking my son each week has really helped. He has made friends and does not jump when someone raises their voice. I do not know if this is an option but even if she just joined a youth group it might help. My daughter is with the salvation army they do trips everywhere, we live in australia and they just did a trip up to surfers paradise to a theme park!!!!! they do little trips too so its not always expensive. Anyway good luck

Stressed,i,